The Weekend

This weekend was a mix of all things good. My Friday started the weekend off right. I had an early coffee date. It was simple, good conversation and nothing compared to my Saturday night. Saturday was a mess. No date. I went out with some girlfriends. And, somehow, on a night that was meant to console a heartbroken friend, the 7 of us managed to pull off something just short of the movie The Hangover, that should have been coupled with a soundtrack by T-Pain. Yeah, the evening was fully equipped with stripper AND bartender love. I didn't have any sort of rendezvous, but I still ended the evening with champagne soaked panties. Hold on folks, here's the tale of my weekend.

I'll begin with Friday night. There's not much to tell there. The dating has been kind of slow, because I am kind of digging one guy. But, he and I just started hanging out. While I have made no sort of agreements with anyone, there's a natural feeling inside me that doesn't really want to see anyone else, at the moment. But, I had already made plans to have coffee with this other guy, so I went. We met at 6, because he was on-call that evening and I was planning to spend a night with my best friend. He was smart. He liked challenging me on my views, which I don't mind. There was some innocent flirting. We were at a coffee shop, on a couch, so our arms touched a bit, but there was no overt contact. This was fine with me. The guy was nice enough. I would even consider hanging out with him again. But, there wasn't a strong sexual or flirtatious charge. I flirted, because I am flirtatious in nature, but in the back of my mind, I wanted to be in bed with my current crush. We decided to head out around 8:30ish and I headed over to (my best friend) Lynn's place.

Lynn and I simply did what we normally do. We sat and talked about politics, women's issues, race relations, child's rights and the state of the world until we passed out from shear mental exhaustion. This is how we spend most of our evenings together. When I say I need some time with her, people don't really get a full grasp of what it is I need. I need to talk. I need to talk about things until they can't be talked about anymore. I can't really do that with anyone but her. That's what we normally do. However ... On Saturday, it was a different story.

Saturday morning, we went and got our eyebrows done and bought Lynn a dress for the evening. We went with a super fantastic little red number. The goal of the evening was to cheer up our heartbroken friend. And, our heartbroken friend had asked that we all dress like ladies of the evening. So, we went back to the house and I slipped into a low-cut colorful dress. Then, we painted Lynn's red dress onto her.

We are going to call the heartbroken girl Patty. Patty showed up in a cute purple dress that showed off her cute figure. We were set. We got to the first bar and our other friends started arriving. We looked like the United Nations in heels. Our friends are a diverse group. No matter what a man likes, we have it covered. And, we are all smart women. So, we set out to have a good time. And, being the women we are, we made sure that happened.

There was little talk of the heart break. Patty had decided she didn't want to discuss it, so we didn't. Instead, we got tanked and went to a gay bar to watch male strippers. This is where the story got good. I'll go ahead and say that after this, nothing big happened. A sober friend drove us to a couple more bars and Lynn kissed a bartender and I just danced and talked to friends. That was that. This story is not about me. This is the love story of Patty and The Stripper.

So, apparently not all male strippers at gay bars are gay. Some are straight. So, a friend and I bought Patty a lap dance from the man of her liking. I slipped him the money and pointed her out and he acted funny about it. He acted like he didn't want to dance for her. He asked if it was going to be okay with her and I reassured him that she needed it. So, he made his way over. He danced up on her for a minute or so, then he turned to me and with a pained look, he tugged at his lil draws and mouthed the words "I have to put on more clothes." Oh. Okay. As he turned to leave, his profile revealed a little underwear tent. Apparently he had enjoyed the dance as much as, if not more than, Patty.

When he returned, he had a business card. He came around behind Patty and I and slipped the card into her hand. His name and number were written on the card. He whispered something to her and she whispered something back. And this is how Patty fell in love with a stripper. Later that night, I helped her formulate a text to him. It went something like "You gave me the lap dance earlier tonight. Here's my number." And, it worked. He texted her that night. Then, he texted her again the next day and they texted back and forth and ended up talking on the phone for hours.

Lynn and I were sure that this wouldn't be anything serious, but turns out they are going to have their first date this week. And, you guys will never guess where they are going. I can't make this stuff up guys ... He asked her to go to church with him. So, Patty and The (Straight Gay) Stripper are going to church. Think anything you want. Last week, Patty was pining away over her asshole fiance, but come Wednesday night, she'll be reading scripture with Mr. Washboard-Abs. Life works in funny ways.

Oh yeah, the champagne soaked panties. Well, that wasn't as interesting. Patty spilled a drink on the bar, and the champagne stream flowed perfectly onto my crossed legs and right to the promised land. So, most of the night, I walked around looking perfectly dry, but in actuality, I was champagne wet. The next day, Lynn and I donned our shades to our favorite diner and downed 12 glasses of water. It was a good weekend.