Wednesday, August 31, 2011

You're Not Welcome

I know what you all must be thinking; She got into a relationship and fell off on her writing. Not true. I am still very much single. I just fell off on the writing with no valid excuse to think of. But, a turn of events has left me unable to ignore my bloggerly duties any longer. I need to vent/get some opinions/clown this dude.

So, I feel I must share with you guys that I love men. If you haven't noticed, I like them a lot ... especially at first. Then, the like starts to fade a bit. And then, it's over. This is not one of the typical situations. This recent experience was one that was wholly different. I never liked this guy. Maybe for a brief (very brief) moment in time, like when he first viewed my profile. I deleted my dating profile a month (or more) back. But this is the story of the one who fell through the cracks. He had my number and he was just waiting to use it. This is the last post of online dating, I hope.

He texted out of the blue. I had his name in my phone, but I didn't remember who he was. He said I had given him my number on OkCupid and I suppose I had saved his name and number.  The first few texts were just what I had gotten used to/sick of in the online dating world. He asked how I was. I was fine. He asked what I was up to. I had just gotten off work. He asked for a pic to refresh his memory. I sent a reasonable pic: not too sexy and cute enough, while being a true representation of me. He said I looked beautiful and that he looked forward to meeting me.

A few days pass and I get another text from him ... "More pics?" I now knew a little more about what I was dealing with. I responded that he already knew what I look like. And he said "I just want to see you again. Your pictures make me smile." Bleh.

A few more days pass and he texts, "What are you doing this evening?" Okay. So, he's looking to hang out tonight. Sometimes I am okay with that. I don't mind a last-minute hang out in some situations. But, this was not one of them and I didn't feel like hanging out. I told him I was not going to be getting out that evening.

The next day, he texts that he wishes I would send him a picture. At this point, he starts to get annoying. Then, he asks if he can swing by my place. I respond, "No." I am not allowing a man I do not know to come meet me at MY house. I would sooner go to his place. Randoms are not allowed in my home. No chance. He texts back "Oh you one of those 'I have to meet in public' chicks?" Ok. Enough. Yes. I am also one of those "I still have my life and limbs" chicks. And, who says chicks? Anyway, I made it very clear that he would not be coming to my home. Again, he asked for a picture, noting that he wants this one to show a little more.  I guess my repeated declines had led him to believe it was a good idea to ask for more. The rejection was making him greedy? I made it clear that if he wanted to meet for coffee, we could meet, but his texts requesting pics and last-minute hook ups were just getting tiring.

Later that day, I'm at the gym and he texts ... again, "So, I meant to ask. Do you have a booty?" Are you for real? I get a little amped when I work out anyway, so there was no way I was not letting ol' dude have it. I texted back that if he had wanted to meet, he would have asked me by now. At this point he was just trolling and I was not interested in supplying him with pictures and descriptions so that he could jack off while his mom was at work. He had the nerve to respond that he was just being a man. Piss poor excuse, guys.

If you read this blog, I am going to assume you don't try to pull that 'boys will be boys shit." I assume this, because I assume you are all men. But, if (for some odd reason) you have ever acted an asshole and tried to make the "I'm just being a man" excuse, know that we know other men. We have a base and foundation of comparison. And, hopefully, we know respectful men. This guy just made himself look worse when he demonstrated that he had a lesser understanding and knowledge of how men really approach women. Maybe this is how he and all his friends try to get dates. Or, maybe his friends just act like they do shit like this when they talk to each other, sans women.

But, either way, I don't see these tactics scoring big. I went out to lunch with myself a couple days ago and I saw the female equivalent to this guy out on a date. She was talking to the man about how he gave women too much credit and we really aren't that smart. I wanted to shut my laptop, lean over my table and politely tell her to speak for her fucking self. But, I thought this to be a moot request. Inevitably, this guy had met other women. Inevitably, he already knew that she had no way to speak for all women for her shortcomings. She wasn't a 'dumb girl', she was just a stupid person.

So, to all the daters out there that just fall short, Be better. If you aren't smart, just be quiet and act shy. Don't try to hide under your gender blanket after you say or do stupid shit. Your lack of manners has nothing to do with your manhood. And if you think you are dumb because you are a woman, you're wrong. The assumption that you are the first person of your gender that your date (or possible date) has ever encountered, is misguided. They have inevitably met smart women, or men that know you have to respect everyone, always.

Turns out the man on the date was married and his wife was a professor and photographer. Ouch. Nothing is fair. As for me and the guy with the texts, you guessed it. We have a date coming up at the end of never. I will never meet him. I'm not that harsh of a critic, but he will never get a chance. Sucks for him too, because once you get a few drinks in me I'm an easy lay. If only he hadn't sent such dumb texts.

(Footnote: I am a gossip and some women in the restaurant knew the man on the date with the stupid lady. We shared notes on the date we had all witnessed.)


  1. hahahahaha! Get him! And the situation with the lady was so ironic. God has such a sense of humor if you ask me. LOL!


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.