Thursday, September 30, 2010

Dreams

Occasionally, and not nearly as often as I would like, I have these very vivid dreams.  They involve a man and most of the time they involve sex. While sometimes it's just a touch, others are downright X rated.  As I said, the dreams are very vivid and when I awaken, I am left feeling every emotion and impulse related to the dream as if it was real.

I generally walk the rest of the day, sometimes the rest of the week with this longing for the man that played the main role in the dream.  Sometimes the feeling only lasts a matter of moments and some have lasted to this day.  I remember when I was young (a child) I had a dream about David Hasselhoff, and to this day, I get uneasy when I see The Hoff.  I don't have any attraction to him and the feelings I get aren't that of attraction, but of a strange familiarity.  One I am not comfortable at all.  Now I have to wipe that feeling out of my mind in order to finish writing this. One moment.

Okay, the first time I had an orgasm, I felt that feeling of familiarity.  I realized that I had had orgasms in my dreams, which had manifest into a real physical orgasm.  I just hadn't remembered it when I awoke, until I actually had one.  If you remember the story of Sean, you might remember that the night before we had sex, I had a dream about him.  That dream took over my thoughts.  I couldn't shake the sexual attraction after that.  It was almost like a spell had been cast, like I was cursed.  I would get warm and wet when I thought about him and I ha to have him.  I had known him and been attracted to him for almost 2 years, but once I had the dream, 24 hours wouldn't pass before I put my lips to his for the first time and fulfilled my desires.  What could be suppressed in the waking life, could not be suppressed once my desire entered my dream state.  What was once an attraction had become a hunger.

Lately, I don't have these dreams as often as I would like.  However, I had one a few nights ago.  It was very simple.  I walked past him as he was sitting and he touched my hand.  It was like a novel was written in that one touch.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, that touch in my dream was worth every word ever spoken.  After 5 years, the dream was about Sean.  He has invaded me again.  I can't help but wonder why it's him in the dreams.  I don't think I am that out of touch with my thoughts and feelings, but I don't remember ever wanting him this much before the dreams started.  He not only plays the lead role in most of my fantasies these days, but he's even been known to text or call while I am masturbating to thoughts of him.  How am I supposed to think about anything else if this keeps happening?  Apparently, not even 1000 miles between us can break this hunger.  I need to see him again.  I am resourceful... Especially when I am determined.  Stay tuned ... Dreams can come true.

Wednesday, September 29, 2010

Distinction

When I tell people that I am not monogamous, they often think that I am not interested in repeat dating, or seeing the same person more than once.  They think that I somehow manage to evade, escape or deny the emotion that creates a bond between two people.  This is not the case.  Though, I often wish it was.

It's a fine line I walk.  As I have said in the past, I am not into sex for the sake of sex.  It doesn't have to be love, but it does have to be loving.  I think sex devoid of a connection is sex devoid of passion.  It all goes back to being a good lover, putting forth effort and putting yourself into your sex and into your partner, for whatever amount of time you choose to spend with them.  

With some, this can be a one time act.  It can be performed without words, with only looks, smiles and touch.  You can have a sexual connection with someone, feeling their movements and reading their body to discover and fulfill their wants.  This can be a one time act and still be beautiful and fulfilling.

Or, it can be repeated and consist of more.  Sometimes, you meet someone and you have all of the things I mentioned above, while also having a connection on another level.  You can have that amazing sex, while also being able to carry on a great conversation and make each other laugh.

I think it silly to forsake this because you don't want to be monogamous.  Some connections are physical and fleeting, while others are lasting and more substantial.  They can be confused at times, but as long as honesty is the key element, I see no harm in blurring the lines a little.  I also see no point in forsaking a good thing for the sake of variety or out of the pride that comes out of knowing that you are not the only one.  Each connection is different and unique and some need to be explored longer than others.

Tuesday, September 28, 2010

A Call To Action

Yes.  This is a message to you.  If you want something interesting to read, give me something interesting to write about.  My job is not to entertain men.  It's to offer 50% of a bomb ass sexual experience.  

I go to an all women's college, situated in the lesbian capital of the country.  I don't know if I remembered to tell you that, but it's important to know that my lack of dating has a very good reason behind it.  That being said, this is not the solitude phase.  Just to be clear, I am not okay with this.  Something has to give.  I have been on a few dates and I am still talking to some guys.  But, these days, the bulk of my passion is spent on masturbation and dreams.  We know I love my masturbation.  Masturbation is the only sexual thing I do better than giving head.  If the men were here, I would be dating more and have more interesting stories for you.  I blame the men.  But, I am quickly discovering that location and workload can put a damper on the dating/sex life of even the most driven dater. 

I got a text last night from one of my New England suitors and he wanted to drive out and see me.  The trouble was it was already 10pm when I got out of class and he is an hour away.  The thought of him showing up at 11:30 to be entertained was less than appealing.  I suggested that we plan on hanging out on Wednesday (his next day off).  And he said "possibly." Unacceptable.  If you can't make a plan one and a half days in advance, you don't deserve the ass. 

Another suitor hit me up today saying that I seemed like a different person than the one he had originally met and been captivated by.  The problem there is, he's not been that captivating and I am not in the business of entertaining someone via text and Skype.  I would love to meet up with him and have a great time, but this want has not manifested in anything tangible.  Only texts about possible plans.  Again, I need delivery people.  And I need it at a reasonable hour or on the weekend.  I need sex at night and I need my days free to work and create.  Is this too much to ask?

The truth is, if either of these particular men could get their schedules together and make their way out to me, I would gladly have my way with them.  (Insert big smile at the thought of it.)   As I have said, my libido doesn't get the message that we are not in Houston anymore.  She's still under the impression that the penis is plentiful.  I don't have the heart to break it to her.  There's no penis around.  Hopefully, this weekend will hold more in store than just taking nude pics on my cell phone and sexting with my friend that is working in Georgia. 

But, don't fear people.  I got a full night sleep and things are looking up.  I have a prospect coming out tomorrow night and another possibility for the weekend.  We'll see how it goes.  The unseasonably hot weather and fatigue won't keep me down.   For now, I need less feedback and more action from my text buddies.  I'm not looking for pen-pals, folks.  I'm from Texas, so I have a plethora of great sayings.  One of my favorite is "Don't let your mouth write a check that your ass can't cash."  Right now, I have a text cache full of written checks.  Where's the ass???

Another one of my favorite sayings is "Want in one hand and shit in the other and see which one fills up first."  But I'm not shitting in my hand.





Monday, September 27, 2010

Support The Troops - Part 2

Aside from the smack on the leg, The Soldier and I hadn't had any physical contact.  It had been a night of good clean fun; studying, pinball and conversation.  I didn't necessarily hope to change that.  I haven't been feeling as sexual as I did over the summer.  I happily accept the changes in my mood.  One thing I do note is that it is a change in mood and not a change in libido.  I'll explain.

Right now, I am looking to get to know people more.  I have started getting a little lonely up here and I am not feeling a connection with any of the guys I am talking to, like the connections I felt with guys back home.  I guess Todd was right about that part.  I am homesick.  And, in that homesickness, I want a connection with someone.  I don't need to have monogamy with them, just something more than a warm body.

Maybe it's too soon to tell, but I didn't sense that connection I am looking for with The Soldier.  However, he is a warm body.  And, once we settled in to watch a movie, physical intimacy took over and my longing for a connection was temporarily suppressed by my longing for him.  He was tall and when he put his hand on my hip and pulled me against him, his grip was firm and his embrace warm.

After we had sex, we talked for a long time.  The sex wasn't phenomenal.  It's no reflection on him, there just wasn't that spark.  Perhaps there was too much alcohol.  Perhaps there was too much thinking.  But, I just wasn't in it.   The talking afterward was nice, but after he fell asleep, I found myself sneaking downstairs to talk to call Lewis.  This is a problem.  I had hoped that coming back to school would put a healthy distance between me and Lewis.  Instead, the loneliness has overwhelmed and I find myself relying on Lewis for that connection, while simultaneously growing emotionally distant from him.  I don't feel the way I did when I was there.  I think it's natural that you lose excitement for someone, if you never see them.  I am losing that excitement everyday and it's making for a bad combination.  He's still just him, but I am changing.

Things with The Soldier indicated that change.  I have been doing a lot of thinking.  Maybe I am just tired.  Maybe it's PMS.  Maybe I am tired of dating.  I did hang out with a guy a few days ago and he was promising.  There is opportunity for that connection.  There is opportunity for him to be a friend and  a lover.  After we hung out, I got a little high from spending time with him, and though we didn't have sex, the chemistry and attraction was there.  Of course, afterward, he never called again.    

This isn't an end.  I will still be writing.  Too bad my libido is still raging even though I'm not feeling the dating scene.  Who knows, I might wake up tomorrow with a renewed inspiration.  I still need you guys to listen and give me feedback.  So, with my head in a book and my thoughts on my work, I am moving on, with no idea where I am going from here.

Thursday, September 23, 2010

Support The Troops

The past few posts have been very emotional.  It's the kind of mood I was in, I suppose.  But, I feel that I have neglected a great part of my duty here on the blog ... That is, to tell you about my wonderful sex life!  So, here's more of that goodness that you have come to expect from yours truly.

I met a guy here.  Yep.  A southern boy living up here in the sticks of New England.  He actually lives in a big city about 40 minutes from me.  Glad he's willing to make the drive. I have mentioned him once before.  I called him The Soldier and I think for the purpose of this blog, he will retain that name.  It was a simple beginning and a simple date.  We agreed to meet up at my place and study together.  It was a Saturday night and I had some reading to do.  I know it doesn't sound like the most exciting of dates, but I had to catch up after being sick and he had to take a test the next day, so we did what we had to do.

He showed up around 8:00pm with a text book and a bottle of Southern Comfort.  Not really my drink of choice, but hey ... it was free and I am in college.  Age be damned.  I live in a dorm.  I have study dates.  I'm in college.  Anyway, we went over to the campus cafe, grabbed a couple slices of pizza and settled in to study.  We agreed to study for an hour and a half, then he was going to open himself up to an ass kicking on our campus pinball machine.  I have been a little bit addicted to pinball.  So, after our hour and a half of studying, I showed him how to take an ass whooping like a man.  He wasn't expecting it.  I spend a lot of my free time on that machine.  Like I said, this is the sticks and there's not a lot for a girl to do up here.  Might as well come out of college with some baller pinball skills.

After I schooled him on the ways of pinball, we went back to my room and cracked open the bottle of SoCo.  He entertained me with stories of high school thievery and his cunning ways of escaping charges.  He's quite the swindler.  There were funny stories about his family and friends and then there were stories of his time in the military.  Some of those were funny, as well.  He is charming and he has a way with a story.  His stories of his tour in Iraq were a mix of two worlds.  He would go from a smile to a straight face all in the same sentence, then back to smile.  He was in Iraq for a year.

He was warm and gentle.  He has a big smile and a simple charm that made me feel comfortable.  Did I mention that he is from the South?  That might have something to do with it.  He's a sweet guy.  He didn't make any forward moves on me.  At one point, I got up to make us another drink and I made some smart ass comment and he smacked me on the leg.  That was the first physical contact we had.  SPeaking of physical, he was cute.  He is about 6'3" and he has a sincere smile.  He's got a nice amount of tattoos and nice skin.  If you haven't realized by now, I like 'em tall.  Tattoos and a good smile never hurt, either.

Then we had sex and went to sleep.  Psshh.  You know I'm not going to do you like that.  But, I am going to make you wait for it. Until next time....

Wednesday, September 22, 2010

Privacy

This post is dedicated to Lewis for always being my biggest supporter and for being a true friend, without judgment.  I don't know how he does it, but I am glad he does.  He makes me remember my backbone when I am cowering.  He kicks my ass and tells me I'm brave when I need it.  He showers me with respect and good loving and he shows me what a confident man looks like.  Love to Lewis.

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It has been brought to my attention by more than one man (3 to be exact), that my sharing of "everything" is "too much."  I do note that men have told me this, because I have yet to hear this from a woman.  I have been told by an ex, a current and a friend that I have lost their respect or any ability to be taken seriously as anything more than casual sex or casual dating.  I have accepted what they say and tried not to pay it too much mind.  Every once in a while, in the depths of night, I worry that I might be alone forever.  That in writing this blog and making my sexual experiences known to all, I might be sealing my fate to never deserve the love and respect of that special someone.  It should also be noted that sometimes late at night I worry that the soda I drank earlier in the day will give me cancer.  Late at night, I am quite positive that I am going to fail all of my finals that are months away and I am sure I will never get a job.  This is the time when my mind plays tricks on me.

In the light of day, I remember that the reason I am not in a relationship is because I am not looking for one.  And that even though people tell me that I am fighting the instinct to settle down or that I am fooling myself, I know what I want.  Irrational thoughts have a time and place, so I save mine for the dark of night.  These are private moments.  Privacy.  This is what these men have told me I should be clinging to.  I should be retaining some scrap of privacy and maintaining some dignity.  So, I decided to take some time and put real thought into this argument.  Am I losing something by giving so much of my privacy away?

The conclusion I have come to is; I don't know that privacy really exists.  Think about what would happen if you died today.  Just suddenly.  No warning.  Bam ... Right now ... Dead.  Someone would go through your things.  Maybe your mother or your husband.  Someone would have to throw out your half used bottle of lube.  Someone would sort through your papers, go through your computer files, delete your naked pictures, erase your history, read your journal.  This might happen out of necessity to clean up or it might happen in an effort to get to know you better or to hold on to you once you are gone.

Letters Jefferson and Madison shared are actually referred to as "The Private Letters," yet, they are published and used in every lecture regarding the creation of the Bill of Rights.  They were only private in intent.  They were meant to be private, but eventually, it all comes out in the wash.  People read text messages and emails to find their spouse is cheating.  Kids stumble upon their mother's vibrators.  Parents search their kid's rooms for drugs and condoms.  Journalists and campaign workers work to uncover the 'dirt' on the opposition.

Young women have sex, believing that it is a private moment, only to have sex tapes revealed, pictures passed around school, stories told behind their backs and a whole slew of violations on their trust.  When their secret moments are revealed, they are called sluts and hoes.  They are laughed at and belittled.  And for what, for enjoying sex, for trying something new or even making a mistake?  Well, my sexuality isn't a mistake and it doesn't have to be that private.  I will wear a scarlet letter for some, but for others, this blog is just good clean fun.  I'm not the butt of anyone's joke.  I'm not disrespected and I'm not here to disrespect anyone.  

People have different reasons for keeping things 'private' and people have other reasons for digging that privacy up.  Sometimes it's intentional and sometimes it's accidental, but it can always happen.  I have spent my entire life hiding things and deciding that it wasn't worth it.  We all do it.  I hid smoking pot from my parents when I was a teenager for a bit, but eventually I just let it be known.  It was easier than hiding.  I knew they didn't approve, but hiding it didn't make it any less true.  I hid cigarettes from my sister for a bit, but then I just smoked in front of her and eventually I quit that altogether.  I have never cheated on anyone, because I can't fucking hold water.  I spill everything I do.  It's just me.  My sexuality and my love for sex were just the last thing to go.

I could have waited to be found out.  I could have written it in my journal or kept it in my head.  I could have acted like I don't love sex, but then I would either have to hide it or ignore that part of myself.  I didn't have to come out like this, granted, but why not.  My mama knows I am sexually liberated and she doesn't judge.  She doesn't read the blogs that are sexually explicit, because she doesn't want to know the details.  But she doesn't mind that this is a reality that exists, it just makes her a little sick to think about.  She doesn't judge it, it just grosses her out.  Fair enough.  So, if it makes you sick to hear the details, get smart like my mama and stop reading.  Otherwise, just enjoy it.  It's not a violation of my privacy.  If I want something to be totally private, I will keep it to myself.  But, for the most part, I want to share and I want to be open.  This is a learning experience for me and it's mine to share with the world if I choose.  My body is MY temple and my 'private' parts are mine to do with as I choose.  And, until Blogger says otherwise, I can share all I want. :)

So You Lost Your Virginity, Huh?

The following is a repost from a blog I recently discovered, called Trying to Find Me.  I haven't read anything that hit me like this did in a long time.  I really hope you enjoy it as much as I did.  I teared up while attempting to discreetly read it during a lecture.  Oops.  Check out the blog.  It's well worth it.
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There’s no way to go around it. I’ve been thinking about it a lot (not perverted thoughts about people losing their virginity but how people, particularly people that grew up in similar situations as me, have done it or if they have at all.) So, I’d like to explore the subject.

How did it happen? Was it a conscious decision? Did your conscious kill you after? Were you happy? Did it change your life? Did your parents find out? 
If you haven’t had sex, why not? Religious purposes or are you just terrified of getting pregnant before getting a ring on that finger?
My road to adult activities was a fairly slow and boring one until shit hit the fan.
Middle school consisted of me lusting after three guys; leaving “anonymous” notes in my main crush’s locker; writing in my little diary about those crushes, how “fine” they looked and how badly I wanted to marry Ryder Strong. Terrible. (Next time I go home to my parents’ house that little baby is coming out of retirement for some comedic relief!)
My first kiss was horrible. I was forced into a “relationship” by my acquaintance/friends in 11th grade with a senior that was obese, liked questionable music and was just unappealing in every sense of the word. He would hang around outside my classes and try to hold my hand when walking down the hall when all I wanted to do was run in the other direction. 
Anyway… We were hanging around outside after school with some friends and everyone was paired up. I was sitting as far as I could get from this guy and someone just haaaaad to ask if we had kissed each other yet. We said no. That escalated in everyone pressuring us to do it right then and there. I kept refusing but of course this guy wasn’t going to miss the opportunity to lay his wormy, greasy lips on me in front of witnesses. Somehow, while trying to escape the situation he caught me in a giant bear hug and planted his lips on mine for approximately 5 seconds…it felt like 5 days of torture. I squirmed my way out of his arms and promptly excused myself to do some chores at home. I think I ran. I hate running.
I spent the whole next day avoiding him at all costs, crafting a note that would effectively break his heart enough to hate me and never talk to me again for the rest of the year. I consider that a silver lining to the grey cloud of his affection.
My next encounter was in 12th grade with a friend. He was nice and loved the Smashing Pumpkins, (just like me!) and I felt comfortable with him. I just really needed to kiss someone else so that grease-ball wouldn’t be the only one on record. We made out all the time for maybe three days. Then it was over. I got paranoid about my parents somehow finding out so we just needed to end it. Plus he was kind of sloppy.
Then came RH. I didn’t like him at first. He was some guy that started talking to me online and eventually got on my good side. He wrote me poetry, got me into underground hip-hop and really introduced me to Sonic Youth, Jesus and the Mary Chain, Built to Spill and so on. We talked for months and months online and over the phone (which was risky business since I’d call from my parents’ land-line on a phone card). I ended up genuinely loving him and would write swoony things about him on my livejournal.
The opportunity to meet finally came. It wasn’t long at all and it wasn’t easy to make it happen either. (The full story probably won’t make it here but trust me, state lines were crossed and family double crossed.) But I just knew that he was it and that I was going to marry him (I was 19) so it made it really easy for me to say yes when he asked me if I was ready. You know, ready.
He asked me twenty times if I was sure and that we didn’t have to and all that because he knew he would be my first. I just kept saying yes. We made out all damn day and I didn’t know if I would survive after my parents found out so YES. We did it. It was uh, not exciting, but I didn’t care. I don’t think I ever really got a good look at his penis either so that area of a man’s anatomy was still a mystery to me when it came to seeing things in person. He was the one and I gave my virginity to him. This all sounds very “moronic teenager” but it was super romantic to me when it happened. After all, I was in love!
My parents never found out. Well, they found out about him two months after we broke it off but they never found out that he took my virginity. No, they found out about that a year later with someone else.
Ah yes, someone else. I refuse to say his name because this guy is a genuine regret. I’m not getting into his story because that would be long and sordid and a waste of time but I will say these few things about the situation. I was living at my university dorms for the semester, he stayed with me for a few weeks and I skipped most of my classes because of him effectively failing nearly every class.
Anyway, my parents found out I wasn’t a virgin any more! Good God Allmighty, I do not wish that experience on anyone.
I was called out of the room I was in, told to sit down and then they barraged me with questions and accusations like:
“Did he take your virginity?”
“Did you let him undress you?”
“Did he sleep in the same bed as you?”
“How long was this going on for?”
“Do you know how heart broken your mother is?” (She was standing right in front of me with tears on her face, yeah, I had an idea.)
“I’m going to call him right now and tell him to marry you, nobody will want you, do you love him? Then you should marry him and never come back here again.”
Things like that. Then I was dragged up to my room, my mom whipped out her Quran and made me swear on it that I would never have sex again until I was married and then I had to take a bath where I was to recite a special du’a with her standing outside and listening to make sure i said it! Apparently it’s some du’a that you’re supposed to say after you lose your virginity? I don’t know. Most of those months were blocked out of my memory.
I was called a slut and many other things. It was hell living at home. They withdrew me from the school I was going to and made me take classes at the community college down the street from where we lived. Things were bad for a very, very long time. Nothing like those Hollywood movies with supportive parents telling you to stick your crotch into freshly baked pies.
Normally I think an experience like that would just permanently fuck someone up for life but I kept going. I was a love sick girl with overbearing parents that would go ape shit at the mention of a boy after that day. I just had really bad luck. Being muslim with a nosy Paki/Indian community didn’t help.
I also think that whole experience made me say fuck what my religion says, it’s not healthy to not know anything about your body and what it likes and have your parents berate you for it. I am responsible when it comes to sex, never unprotected and always sober. Yes, I am terrified of getting pregnant, but I’m also not into repressing something that I know I like. It’s healthy and a fun activity even when you’re in a relationship that spans years.
My experience also makes me wonder how others have gone about it. If they’re muslim, do their parents know? If they do, what was their initial reaction? How has the relationship changed between parent and child? Do they even know about their kids’ relationships? It intrigues me. I don’t want to know about specific sexual encounters, but I do want to know how everyone else deals with this subject because my experience was sufficiently terrifying.

Tuesday, September 21, 2010

Rejection. The Tale Of How I Wanted More ...

... and why I didn't get it.

I made a mistake.

I know I don't talk about him much, but I think about Todd all the time.  Todd took me on my last 'official date' of the summer.   While on said date, we played pinball.  When I got back to school, I discovered that the school had purchased a brand new pinball machine.  I am addicted.  And, every time I go play, I think about him.  I even take pictures of my high score so I can prove that I scored 25,000,000 in one game.  Yep.  I did that.

Anyway, there is a point to this.  I think about him a lot. We've only been on two dates and we never text or talk on the phone.  We don't IM.  We really don't know each other that well, at all.   But, somewhere in the back of my mind, I see him as someone I would be really compatible with.  He said he would come visit me here in New England, but I don't think he will.  I mean I didn't think he would, now I know he won't.  Yeah, this is the lead in to that mistake I mentioned earlier...

I texted Todd and asked him if he's ever thought of having more with me.  More than just casual dating.  That was the mistake.  I just think about him so much and maybe I have romanticized it all, but I just really liked him.  I don't write about him much.  I don't talk about him much.  I just think about him.  It's just the way I am.  I like to tell my friends that I am in love with every guy I meet.  I like to write about guys and talk about the emotion I feel after sex.  That's just talk.  It's the influx of emotion/adrenaline of something new.  It's different when you think about someone daily.  Especially if you don't talk to them daily.

I talk to Lewis daily and as much as I adore that man, I know we can't have anything.  It breaks my heart sometimes, but it's just the way it is. Aside from neither of us wanting a relationship, we would not be a good match.  We have a lot in common and we are both very passionate, but we could never work.  I know this.  Don't get me wrong.  I think he is amazing and he might prove to be one of the best friends I have ever had.

The Beautiful One is another great guy that I could never be with.  I talk to him often too, but I have really never considered him as more than what we are.  He's great, but he's in love and he's ready to settle down.  I am not mad at all that I am not the woman he is in love with.  I am sure they will be happy and I am sure he will be a great man for her.  I wish him all the best and I want to be his friend, but that's all.

Then, there's Todd.  No one else makes the short list.  Let me just start by saying, I am not in love with Todd, I just wanted to maybe see where it could go with him.  See if there could be more than casual dating.  I wanted to invite him to my going away party, but I thought that was too forward.  Asking him to come meet all my friends and family would have just been too much after only three dates.  I was right in not doing that.  I did invite him to come visit and he said he would.  That was just a fantasy as well, I guess.  I hoped it wasn't, but thought it might be.

I have said it before.  I am not against relationships.  I just don't think my life should be guided by a search for one.  I wanted to get out and date a bit.  I don't want to keep falling into relationships based on the sheer need or want of a relationship.  If it did happen, I wanted it to be more organic than that.  I will consider it if the feelings are there and the spark is there.

I felt that for Todd.  But, he didn't feel it for me. Todd has never thought about me for more than casual dating.  That is what about 20 text messages revealed.  (Note - This is written with the bitterness that comes with a fresh rejection.)  Let me say, I didn't ask Tdd to be my boyfriend.  I didn't say I wanted a relationship.  I just asked him if he had thought about me in that way.  He hasn't.  It's for the best, I am sure.  My relationship fantasies about Todd were just that.  They were fantasies about someone I really hardly know anyway.  I won't say it didn't sting.  I even cried.  I may or may not be teary eyed right now.  But, it's whatever. (Bitterness.)  It is what it is.  Life goes on.

His final response was "Mentioning the blog doesn't help if there is a chance that you are interested in more than casual dating, more info than a potential mate should know."  The trouble with that is, I am not actively seeking a relationship.  I just considered one with him.  I told him about the blog, because it was the only honest thing to do.  Kind of a double edged sword.  He also suggested that maybe I was just homesick.  Maybe I was just stressed.  Maybe he is right.  So, I suppose this is a dilemma that will happen from time to time.  Probably not that often, since this is the first instance in my two years of being single where I have considered entering another relationship.  It was just a thought.

He said I seemed upset after Rejection Fest 2010.  I suppose I was.   I am.  Nobody likes being rejected, but I am a big girl and I can take it.  I am proud of myself for being honest with him and telling him how I felt.  And I am more proud for telling you guys.  I considered a relationship folks.  I did it.  It was a failure.  And now it's time to dust off my chaps and get back on the horse.  It's probably all for the best, because I am not ready to give up the blog just yet and I am sure he would not have appreciated having a blog written just about him, anyway.

I am glad that I got to have this experience.  I like knowing that I can't be pigeon holed, even by me.  I am not a dating machine.  Every once in a while, I will fall for someone and I might be rejected.  I will share that side of myself with you guys, as well.  Happy reading, folks.

Monday, September 20, 2010

Lies

I did a bad thing.  I lied to Todd.  I told him Lynn was taking me to the airport, when I was really going to meet The Beautiful One.  I didn't think about it again after I sent the false text.  I just sent it and went about my evening.

I started this blog because I wanted to be held to the truth.  I wanted to work on being the most honest me I could be and I wanted to be accountable when I strayed from the truth.  I am not a liar, I don't make a habit of telling lies and I don't use lies to make my life more convenient, because in the end, they make everything more murky and they just make things worse.  That's exactly what happened.

The moment of truth came when I sent Todd a text that was just a heart and he responded by asking why I had lied to him.  He had read a blog post that contradicted something I had told him. This was what I was looking for from the blog.  Eventually, I would be thankful that he called me out.  But, my first reaction was to say "shit." It was a combination of "Why did I lie?" and "Dammit, I'm busted."

The question that has reared it's ugly head since the inception of this blog is "When is honesty good and when is it just cruel?"  When am I just telling too much?  I think this is frequently the problem with total honesty and it's often the justification for lies.  "If I tell her/him I cheated, it will break her/his heart."  So, I lie.  That's not valid.  I think that we enter a sticky territory when we start to play with honesty, molding it to save feelings.  I am still not sure how I feel about confessing an affair to clear your own conscience, but that's not the issue here.  I didn't have to lie.  This blog frees me from lies.  I don't ever tell a man that he is the only one.  Lying was a bad decision.

Todd and I have both been hurt by lies and he is probably the one person that knows, first hand, how I feel on the subject of honesty.  I think about that lie every day.  Whether it was a 'small lie' or a 'white lie,' it demonstrated my ability to lie.  And I know how destructive that can be.

Moral of the story, I find lies intolerable.  Whether the violation is committed by me or someone I care about, it will not be permitted in my life.  I've decided to be open and honest.  It's an everyday battle.  Until we really face it head on, we don't realize how big a part of our lives lying really is. I would like to take this moment to apologize to Todd and to the rest of you.  I am far from perfect, but I am working on being good, at the very least.

Sunday, September 19, 2010

Late Night Updates

I think my Serial Dater status might be posing a problem for my dating life.  It's a catch-22 of sorts.  I need to date to continue the blog, but the blog is hindering the organic nature of my dating life.  I have to be honest about the blog, because the other purpose of the blog is to hold me to honesty.  See how this gets tricky?  The fact of the matter is, it's not a big enough problem to stop writing.  It's not affecting the overall dating experience enough to pull the plug and call this an experiment that has run its course.  When one great set of abs seems turned away by the blogs existence, I get sad.  But, the experience overall is greater than one really really gorgeous man.  It's bigger than that.  I just have to remember.

So,  I met a guy online and we started chatting.  He called and we've talked on the phone a few times.  He seems really cool.  The type of guy that is just super easy to get along with.  And ... he has a great body and a handsome face.  He actually looks a lot like my ex, but we can get past that.  Or we could have, had I not been so honest as to tell him about the blog.  Pretty sure that was the end of that.

As we were talking on the phone, he was reading the blog.  He would ask questions and then fall back into reading.  It was odd, but funny at the same time.  His responses were great.  Bursts of laughter and fear.  He felt sorry for Mr. Apologies, as we all do.  I reassured him that I had changed enough about that story to insure that Mr. Apologies will never read his blog post or know he is the one I speak of.  But, soon after, he said he had to go and then he texted that he was headed out and would talk to me tomorrow.  Tomorrow never came.  Oh well ... You win some you lose some.  If he was scared away by the blog, he will be one of the first.  If not the first.  That's not a bad record so far.

Friday, September 17, 2010

The New Crops

The Serial Dater has never been so relieved.  I need to clear the rep of the New England men.  They were not responsible for the disgusting voicemail I got last night.  However, the ladies here are off the chain.  Yes, the squishy noises and heavy breathing that was left on my voicemail was the work of a woman.  Or women, rather.  Three of them, to be exact, lead by my good friend, Ruth.  Disgusting, I know.

What's even worse is, these are three of my close friends.  They got me good.  On the heels of getting some pretty gross masturbation videos, my friends decided they would prank call me.  This was Ruth's idea, no doubt.  The other two were fairly innocent, but not without some fraction of responsibility.

THANK GOD!!!  I know I said I wasn't, but I was disturbed.  After my phone company offered very little help, I decided to post a tough blog, in hopes that the call would not turn into nightly calls.  Not necessary.  That blog simply took Ruth's prank to a whole new level.  I helped her prank me, but now it's time for her to watch her back.

I can keep talking to the guys I am talking to without having to worry that one of them had called and jacked off on my voicemail.  But, the whole experience did make me pull back a bit.  The feelings I felt most of all were, how did I let someone that would do this have my number.  I don't really know these guys at all.  So, I pulled back a bit.  I am going to stop casting such a wide net.  I have a good few guys and that is plenty for right now.  I just want to work on getting to know them a little better.

So, meet the New England guys that are making the cut, in no certain order:


  • The Player - Yes, the football player stays on the short list.  We might not see each other again, but the flirtation and sweet messages have persisted.  He is going through some things right now, but he's just a sweet guy and I enjoy his occasional messages.
  • The Soldier - This is an all time favorite.  He is great.  I like his flirty nature and his teasing.  He's smart and we have had some nice, insightful conversations.  He's that perfect combination of masculinity and smarts.  I don't know how to describe him better than that.  Look for more on this one.  Of course, he's from the South.  
  • The Pretty Boy - He probably wouldn't appreciate that title.  Eventually, he might get a real name. We have just had one real conversation and he seems pretty cool.  You might hear more about this one.  That is to be seen.  
There you have it, people.  It took a few weeks, but I have a short list.  I am cutting out the hunt for now.  It's time to stop dropping seeds and start tending to the crops.  I'll let you know how harvest season turns out.  Stay tuned.  





Wednesday, September 15, 2010

Sick

No.  This is not another post about the guy that masturbated on my voicemail.  His 15 minutes are up. It's time for my Strep to take the stage.

I have been sick for two days and one of my suitors asked a good question.  Well, maybe not a good question, but thought provoking, nonetheless.   He asked, "But who is going to take care of you?"  I thought about it for a second and answered, "Me."

My first thought was, "Well, that's depressing."   I roll solo at times like these.  Friends can't come around, because they can't get sick too.  My mom is about 1500 miles away, so that's not really an option.  When I was back home, she used to be the one that would come to my rescue in the middle of the night if I fell ill.  But now, it's just me.  Single and far from home, I take care of me.

So, the far from home part kind of sucks.  But, once I thought more about the single part, it's pretty much the same.  I have never been in a relationship where the guy took care of me when I was sick.  I imagine this would mean making me dinner or running me a bath. Nope.  Never had that.  I have had plenty of instances of taking care of a man while he was sick.  But not really the reverse.

My last boyfriend used to help me out financially.  He would send 50 bucks if I was struggling, but that wasn't very often.  He was better at offering financial support than the warm, take care of you when you're sick, kind of support.  In the end, it almost felt like he was literally paying for his mistakes.

I guess I just don't really go for the kind of guys that take care of you when you are sick.  I remember most of my sick days being just like today.  I have, on more than one occasion, ridden my bike to the pharmacy while sick, driven myself to the emergency room and sat alone in the doctor's office.  So, when the guy asked me who was going to take care of me, I initially got sad.  I wondered if making the decision to be single had left me alone without a warm body to help me through.  Then, I remember that that is where I was when I was monogamous.  I was the caretaker in those situations.

When I tell the guys I am dating that I am sick, I get a "Feel better soon."  They generally don't even check back later to see how I'm feeling.  That's okay.  It's casual.  I have my friends to check in on me.  But, I think in the future, I will attempt to find at least one 'Caretaker' man.  It would be nice to have someone to bring me soup.  But if it doesn't happen, that's okay too.  I am pretty self sufficient.

Tuesday, September 14, 2010

The Dry Spell

Hey there folks.  Did you miss me?  Of course not, but I decided to give you an update anyway.  I have been busy working on an article and trying to get settled in at school.  I have been chatting with several men in the area, but to tell you the truth, I am a little tired.  Summer took it's toll on me and so I decided to take some recovery time.  I mean, first I banged a pro ball player.  Now, I am recovering.

In my recovery time, I have tossed a net out over a 50 mile radius to see what future prospect I can turn up. Since I live in a town with very few mean... Yes, I know.  It's a cruel fate for a serial dater to be put in a town with no men.  But, since I do live in this arid town, my dating life has become that of an online dater, solely.  Sure I have always done online dating, it's become a perfectly viable way to meet guys.  Some of them are even sane.  I am currently talking to 3 guys.

There's the father of two.  Speaking of him, I haven't chatted with him in about a week, so he might be dropping off the list soon.  This makes me sad.  He was kind, smart and cute.  There's the young producer.  He's cute.  We will inevitably be friends.  He is just that kind of guy.  I was drawn to his picture in a weird way.  He looked like someone I could be friends with and he was cute.  Then, I found out he had the same birthday as Lewis.  Same age and all.  He wants to meet up for lunch and he told me to invite some friends.  Now that I say it that way, it sounds like maybe he was casting his own net ... over me and some of my friends.  I will have to think about that one for a while.

Speaking of Lewis, he's still around.  We don't talk as much as I would like, but I knew it would be this way.  Having emotions involved is too distracting right now.  I am, unfortunately possibly working on an emotional attachment with another young man.  He keeps challenging my serial dating and he thinks I should reconsider relationships and why I don't want one.  We have been talking a lot about that.  I will have to fill you guys in once he and I have delved into my relationship psyche a little further.

Then there is the newest one.  He and I have been texting for a few days and we video chatted for 2 hours last night.  He lives almost 2 hours away.  He is adorable.  I couldn't help but tell him he was cute ... a few times.  He is funny and we were comfortable talking.  I woke up a little under the weather, so I won't be talking to him today, or seeing him any time very soon, but I am a patient woman.  I don't mind waiting.

Finally, there is The One That Fled.  He read the blog and he was gone.  It was almost instantaneous.  He asked what I write and, in the sake full honesty and disclosure, I told him.  We were on the phone and he googled it immediately and started reading.  He had an almost visceral reaction.  Very vocal.  I could hear his shock.  Then he let me go and texted that he would talk to me tomorrow.  It was pretty damned funny.  You win some you lose some.  I lost that one.  I make it clear that I won't reveal anyone's identity and that I will refrain from writing should anyone feel I am invading their privacy.  I try to be totally forthcoming and respectful.  Up to this point, no one has ever shied away from me because of the blog.  But there is a first time for everything.

I still talk to The Player, but he just got traded and he is dealing with his career stuff, so he's been understandably distant.  So, that's it guys.  Pretty boring stuff.  This is what we would call a dry spell.  And it's not really that dry.  I'm still splashing around in some puddles. Until next time...

Wednesday, September 8, 2010

Weird Day For The Online Dater

If I had anything at all invested in online dating ... or the quality of my online profile, I would have been sad after today.  Instead, I am a little disturbed, but mostly just entertained.  Normally, I have a very good experience with my online dating.  It doesn't always make for a date or a successful match, but there is usually some flirtation and respectful no thank you's.  That was not the case today.  There are two messages that left me laughing and then saying ... hey ... what tha?

First message ... I had been talking to this guy back and forth for a couple weeks and he said he was going to call.  I got a text message from a Kenny and I was not sure who Kenny was, so I messaged ol' dude and asked if he had texted me, as he hadn't sent his actual name.  That is the beauty of the online chat... sometimes little details like names can get left out.  His response was kind of awesome ... but I didn't really get it... at all.  He said he had called, but after, he had looked at the new pics I had posted, and he wandered if I had a medical condition.  Okay.  Two things.  First, ouch.  Second, I didn't add any new pics.  So, he didn't want to talk to me because of my new "condition."  I am still lost on that one.  He was cute too. But I think he was crazy.

Second message ... This guy sent me a message saying that I "looked juicy" and he "wanted to eat me."  I deleted and ignored.  Then he sent a second message saying that he just had to tell me that he thought I was really sexy.  I told him I was not interested this time.  His third message said he was just looking for a woman to "snuggle up with his 10 inches."  Okay.  The end.  I sent a message telling him to leave me alone, but I failed to block him.  This was my bad.  He then sent me a message back saying that if I didn't want to be treated like a hooker then I shouldn't act like one.  But ... I ... but ... umm ... No use.  This time, I just blocked him.

So, there you have it, folks.  I am a hooker with a medical condition.  It doesn't matter that I also got two messages from very cute, intelligent guys and actually started dialogue.  Or that I got about 30 messages just complimenting either my funny profile or my pics... oh no.  These two stood out way more than the nice ones ... and I thought they deserved a post.  They are probably the only negative messages I have gotten.  Oh wait no ... this really ugly guy once messaged me and told me I should invest in a mask.  I still don't know if that was sarcasm or just another crazy.  Hope you guys can get a laugh at my expense.  Time to rub some salve on these wounds and get out there and make this money.  Until next time, kids.

The Player - Part 3

When we left off, there was a scantily clad pro ball player laying in my bed drinking from a 12 pack of Blue Moon.  Heh.  I just wanted to say that.   I might say it again before the end of the post.  We joked around more.  He massaged me and I massaged him.  His ankle was swollen and so I rubbed his foot for him.  This led to a discussion about injury vs pain and I found it all a bit sad.  His body was strong and beautiful, but at the same time, it was torn the fuck up.  In that moment, he was vulnerable and I got to see another side of him.  The side that denied pain to keep bringing in a paycheck that not only allowed him to live above comfort, but helped his family out, as well.

Then, I don't know how it happened, but I was on top of him, kissing his stomach.  We all know what came next.  Head.  He was impressed with my ability and I was blown away by his.  I hadn't ever been with someone with this level of skill.  Definitely not a man.  Women pride themselves on knowing about the female anatomy, but I would swear this guy invented the female orgasm.  I don't know what it is.  Remember Train Guy??? He had nothing on this dude, except about 12 years.  I can't imagine how good this man will be in bed when he is 30.

We had to have a talk after he finished.  I needed to know how a man knows that.  I know that in order to give good head, I tune into a man, fully.  I feel when he gets harder, I listen to his moans, I feel his muscles tighten and I do the things that make all of those things happen.  He pretty much gave the same answer.  He said it's a connection.  It's the difference between sex and fuckin'.  We were on the same page.

After our discussion, I don't really know what happened next, but I was on my stomach and he was behind me.  He was so much stronger than me, it was unbelievable.  But in all of the force he was using to hold me down, it was just so that he could kiss the back of my neck, back and legs.  He didn't enter me again right then.  We kissed for a while and he laid me on my back and entered me missionary.  He was very gentle.  We fell asleep after giving each other head and having sex 3 times.  In the morning, we woke and had sex again.  Then we talked for about an hour and he was on his way.

He gets the name The Player for more than one reason.  The fact that he plays ball is only one detail of who he is.  In the end, I don't care that much about money or a name.  What happens in the restaurant, bar and bedroom are what matters to me.  I like that he has a passion and that he does what he loves, but the fact that it's football is really no different than Lewis loving his art or me loving what I do.  It's not his profession that makes him special, it's the passion he puts into it.

Okay, so, if I haven't told you before, I have a little trouble trusting the things men say.  That having been said, I like this man.  I don't really understand anything about him, though.  I know that he is good in bed and I know that we get each other on that level.  Maybe it's me, but I feel like he is trying to play me even though it's not necessary at all.  He told me things like "Your head is the best I have ever gotten" and "I haven't been with a woman in a long time."  He called me gorgeous and said my legs were perfect.  And he has said he wants to see me again.  He texts occasionally, but I don't get a Good Morning text anymore.  He now texts at night to say he is thinking about me.  It's only been a few days and I don't really know that any of this means anything.  He could be giving me lines.  Some guys like to feel like they are playing you even when you can't really be played.  Sometimes, the game is too much to give up.  Or, he could be being genuine and I could be misjudging his kind comments. I am not going to prejudged or come to any conclusions right now.  Or ... Maybe it's a little of both, but it really doesn't matter.  I like a good game, myself, on occasion.  So, I will see him again if the opportunity comes up.  But, I won't have any hard feelings if he moves on to the next lucky woman. Only time will tell.  Either way ... No harm. No foul.

Yes, I know that is a basketball term, but it fit.

The Player - Part 2

I started typing his name into Google and there he was.  I was 4 letters into his first name and Google prompted me with his entire name.  There were links to the NFL, the UFL and multiple teams, including his college team.  I was confused.  It was obvious that he had been drafted into the NFL, but from there I couldn't really figure out where he played now.  It wasn't important.

The major points of this information were ...

  • A.  He was who he said he was.  And he could easily be researched.
  • B.  He had an AMAZING body.
  • C.  He was disciplined. 
  • D.  I could watch Youtube videos of him working out.
  • E.  He was buying dinner.
Beyond that, there was an initial apprehension that was added to the excitement of meeting a new man.  His drive was over an hour and so he was going to stay the night with me.  This meant that, though not definite, there was a good chance he would see my naked body.  I was now a little bit self conscious.  I am an attractive woman.  I attract the type of men I am attracted to and so it all works out.  But, I don't know how to date a professional football player.  What does that entail?  I am a student that writes about sex and I am super humble.  Did I need to run out and get a reality television show?  Should I do some crunches before our date?

The day of the first date rolled around and I was surprised to find that I was no more or less nervous than I was before any date.  We had talked a few times and he texted me with a "Good Morning, Gorgeous." everyday.  I was really okay.  I was more nervous, because I had forgotten that my ID was expired and while I made it by in Texas, the bars up here had always given me a hard time.

He showed up at 8 and I met him at the street.  I hopped into his car and we headed into town.  The vibe was instantly chill.  He asked if I was nervous and I said yes.  He told me that I shouldn't be and that I looked nice.  Once we got into town we spent a few minutes looking for a parking spot.  He was starving ... I assume being all of about 3% body fat leaves you hungry a lot.  So, we hit the closest restaurant when we found a parking spot.  

He was shy when it came to ordering, yet he still ordered for me.  I thought it was really cute.  He was charming and he smiled a lot.  A lot.  We joked around most of the meal and talked about sex.  Our conversation about sex was too loud for the family establishment we had entered.  And he loudly contested my statement that I could take him by saying "I could kick your ass."  This town isn't ready for me and my new date.  So, as soon as we finished our drinks and our meals, we headed out to the nearest bar.  It was conveniently one block away.  

When we got settled at the bar, we got close.  He told me that I looked really good in my skirt and he took my hand.  I rubbed his leg a bit and he pulled me close as we cracked jokes. He tried to give me a quick lesson in football. I attempted to grasp the concept.  Not too difficult, I guess.  But, he suggested we sit together and watch a game.  This way he could explain it as it goes.  I liked this idea.  Mainly because I envisioned it starting out with us watching football and ending with sex.  Most of my forethought does end in sex, though.  

We finished up one drink and we headed out again.  He wanted to walk.  I get the feeling he has trouble staying put for long.  I don't know that this observation has any greater meaning at this point, but I am sure lines can be drawn.  So, we were off.  We passed a liquor store before we even got back to the car and he started to ask if I wanted to just get something and go drink at my place.  I had the same idea and cut him off before he could finish.  We popped in and bought some beer, then we headed back to my place.

This was a brilliant idea.  He was so playful, it was hard to contain out in public.  There were a few times I found myself laughing and putting my hand over his mouth so he didn't loudly talk about sex or the tightness of the man's jeans in front of us.  Being back at my place, we could be as silly and playful as we wanted.  It was super comfortable, but super hot.  Temperature hot.  Which led to him stripping down to his boxers.  That led to the other kind of hot.  

You guys know me.  I like to leave you hanging ... good stuff to follow.  Stay tuned, kiddos. 

Tuesday, September 7, 2010

The Player

My life has changed location.  As you know, I recently relocated to New England and I am just getting settled in. In an attempt to not drag my feet or have another sexless year, I lined up dates... I actually had dates lined up before I got here, but you know how those turned out.  Not too promising.  

So, you know that I am all about utilizing all of my dating resources and I am pretty successful when it comes to finding dates.  Not all the dates are successful, but at the very least, they teach me what I don't want out from a lover/date.  I have also told you that I have had zero luck dating here in New England.  I never realized how region could affect my dating so drastically.  But, that is not what this is about.  This is the story of how New England's reputation was, single-handedly, redeemed by one man.

My first interaction with Giovanni was interesting and he was as sexy as sin.  I was attracted to him and we immediately set up a date.  He was decisive and we set plans to go out the following weekend.  I was apprehensive, but as the week progressed, I grew excited.  When we originally met, I had no idea about his profession, nor was I really interested in or curious about what he did.  I just thought he was cute and I was hoping that he would prove to be more of my type of man than the fancy ass men I had dated here in the past. 

So, we texted for a few days leading up to our date.  One night, we were instant messaging and he said he had to go, because he had to get up early the next day "for practice." Our conversation had been good up to this point.  We had a good vibe.  I was digging him, so far, and I was excited to meet him.  I didn't really think anything of him saying practice, but I asked what he had practice for, anyway.  "Football practice."  I got quiet for a minute, because I was trying to think of what you ask next... "Who do you play for?"  "Where do you play?"  He laughed and said he thought I was judging him for a minute.  Then he said my homework would be to figure out where he played.  I accepted the challenge and said "Goodnight."

It wasn't much of a challenge.  I started typing his first name into Google and the first Google prompt that came up was him.  Huh.  This search would yield an answer to my question ... but not one I was ready for.  This dude was no high school football coach....

Saturday, September 4, 2010

Late Night Realizations: or, When Did This Happen?

When I was young, I could paint a future with any man I dated.  No matter how mundane the time we spent.  No matter how little true feeling I had for the person, I could always imagine a future with him. We'll call it desperation or maybe wishful thinking.  Naw ... desperation is most likely it.  I will save you the details, but I had some separation anxiety and some difficulty being alone in my teens and early 20's.  The end result of that was a string of unsuccessful relationships that were based on little, or no, real connection or emotion.

Fast forward to now.  Fast forward to tonight, actually.  I sit here typing after having another good date.  There was a connection.  There was feeling.  And, there was a complete inability to imagine how I could ever really have a relationship with this guy.  Sometimes I try to imagine it just for the hell of it. These days, I have little luck imagining a successful relationship with anyone.

I have honed in on what I want in men.  Not this list of qualities that I expect to find all in one man, but an idea of things that will and won't work.  I know when to call it quits and stop responding to texts.  I know when something is just not worth the time.  I also know when it will be something worth while.  Yet, I can't ever see a future with any of the men I date.  I feel love for some of them, deep admiration for others.  I find qualities that are great and there are probably 4 guys that I am currently seeing that I want to keep seeing.

So, as I lay here tonight, attempting sleep next to another wonderful man, I can't help but wonder if I will ever meet anyone that I can imagine settling down with.  I also wonder what happened between my early 20's and now.  I am about 20 days from my 30th birthday and somewhere along the way, I stopped planning my future with men and became happier than I have ever been.  My only concern is, if this kind of change happened in my 20's, what will my 30's hold and how will I feel when I'm 40???  I guess only time will tell.

Mr. One Upper - Repost

The following is a repost from I Hate 2 Date.  Peep it.  You won't be sorry.
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Well, I sucked it up and went out on the date with….hmmm….let’s call him Mr. One-Upper. This has inspired me to construct another installment of Please Don’t. You determine how the date went.
Please Don’t….
1. Cancel the date 2 hours before and then re-schedule.
2. Pick a very expensive restaurant and then text me “We’re just meeting for drinks!”
3. Try to get me plastered within the first 20 minutes.
4. Insist that you know more than me….about everything….and then insist my opinions are wrong but cute.
5. Tell me you grew up with a live-in maid on a first date. Come to think of it…I don’t ever need to know that.
6. Repeatedly ask me if you meet my expectations?
7. Tell me that if I wasn’t attractive you would have bailed within the first 30 minutes.
8. Call the bartender honey or sweetie while you continue to annoy both her and I.
9. Check your blackberry in front of me all night. C’mon fellas that one is a no brainer.
10. Ask me “do you know what that means?” when speaking about world affairs.
11. Make sure to incorporate how successful you are in every other sentence.
12. Be so friggin’ obvious when checking my cleavage.
13. “One Up” me on anything and everything.
14. Think you are so worldly because you travel to NY for business a few times a month.
15. Tell me how beautiful the women you date are. Surely you are undeserving and impressing them with your wallet!
Actually the date was ok. It’s the post date wrap up that makes me realize what a douche he is. Surely what appeals to most women repulses me!

About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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