Thursday, September 30, 2010

Dreams

Occasionally, and not nearly as often as I would like, I have these very vivid dreams.  They involve a man and most of the time they involve sex. While sometimes it's just a touch, others are downright X rated.  As I said, the dreams are very vivid and when I awaken, I am left feeling every emotion and impulse related to the dream as if it was real.

I generally walk the rest of the day, sometimes the rest of the week with this longing for the man that played the main role in the dream.  Sometimes the feeling only lasts a matter of moments and some have lasted to this day.  I remember when I was young (a child) I had a dream about David Hasselhoff, and to this day, I get uneasy when I see The Hoff.  I don't have any attraction to him and the feelings I get aren't that of attraction, but of a strange familiarity.  One I am not comfortable at all.  Now I have to wipe that feeling out of my mind in order to finish writing this. One moment.

Okay, the first time I had an orgasm, I felt that feeling of familiarity.  I realized that I had had orgasms in my dreams, which had manifest into a real physical orgasm.  I just hadn't remembered it when I awoke, until I actually had one.  If you remember the story of Sean, you might remember that the night before we had sex, I had a dream about him.  That dream took over my thoughts.  I couldn't shake the sexual attraction after that.  It was almost like a spell had been cast, like I was cursed.  I would get warm and wet when I thought about him and I ha to have him.  I had known him and been attracted to him for almost 2 years, but once I had the dream, 24 hours wouldn't pass before I put my lips to his for the first time and fulfilled my desires.  What could be suppressed in the waking life, could not be suppressed once my desire entered my dream state.  What was once an attraction had become a hunger.

Lately, I don't have these dreams as often as I would like.  However, I had one a few nights ago.  It was very simple.  I walked past him as he was sitting and he touched my hand.  It was like a novel was written in that one touch.  If a picture is worth a thousand words, that touch in my dream was worth every word ever spoken.  After 5 years, the dream was about Sean.  He has invaded me again.  I can't help but wonder why it's him in the dreams.  I don't think I am that out of touch with my thoughts and feelings, but I don't remember ever wanting him this much before the dreams started.  He not only plays the lead role in most of my fantasies these days, but he's even been known to text or call while I am masturbating to thoughts of him.  How am I supposed to think about anything else if this keeps happening?  Apparently, not even 1000 miles between us can break this hunger.  I need to see him again.  I am resourceful... Especially when I am determined.  Stay tuned ... Dreams can come true.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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