Thursday, August 26, 2010

Making the What?

We all have those friendships with members of the opposite sex that prove to be more complex and complicated then we expected.  This was one of those friendships.

I remember the first time I saw Sean.  I had just gotten a new job and he worked in the same center.  He wandered down to the office I worked in one day after 5.  He was cute.  I asked a coworker if she knew who he was.  I assumed she did, or else some dude just wandered down and copped a squat on our couch for the hell of it.  She knew him.  I didn't ask much.  I said hello to him and introduced myself, then I went home.

He would come and visit us occasionally and it didn't take long at all for the two of us to start cracking jokes.  There was one night soon after we met, when we both had a little too much to drink and got fresh in a private corner of the bar.  It was nothing really and we both brushed it off and moved on without any discomfort.  We started spending more time together.  He would come over to my place after work and we became genuine friends.  I'm not going to say that I didn't occasionally think of him in inappropriate ways, but you would be hard pressed to find one of my good-looking male friends that I haven't at least considered bedding.  Maybe it had gone a little past that.  Maybe I had contemplated what he felt like, what he tasted like, but Sean and I spent a lot of time together and I had a boyfriend, so we kept it 100% kosher.

After about a year of knowing Sean, my boyfriend (at the time) and I broke up and I began nursing a wounded heart.  We hadn't been together long, so it wasn't broken.  It was tough, but I had a lot of friends and I kept myself entertained.  Sean had become such a constant in my life, I relied on him as I would any friend during this time.  The closer we got, the farther away the lusty thoughts got.  I had almost totally succeeded in putting him in the friend zone altogether.  Sean was my homeboy.  I got frustrated with him.  He annoyed me at times.  This dude that was a stranger a year ago had become one of my closest friends.

A couple months after my break up, I went to Sean's place after being out drinking with friends.  I just didn't want to go home.  He gave me his bed and he slept on his living room floor.  At some point in the night, I was roused from my sleep.  I was groggy, but not too groggy to accept Sean onto my body and pull his face down onto mine.  We kissed and he unbuttoned his pants as I pulled my panties off.  Woa.  What were we doing? Where did this come from?  Everything felt foggy and then I heard his front door open and close.  I sat up quickly.  I was alone.  It was a dream.  Sean came in and announced that he had gotten us breakfast.  Shit.  All that time ... all that compartmentalizing ... down the drain.  Once I have a sex dream about someone, I temporarily fall into crush mode. Eck.  Not Sean.  Dammit.  He's my homeboy.

After quickly eating, I went home.  The next day, Sean asked me over to watch Making the Band.  It was the season finale, but before hand they were going to show all the episodes.  He asked if I drank wine.  SHIT!!! Of course I drink wine.  And of course I was going to go watch this reality show I had never cared about and I was going to partake of his wine.  But, I was NOT going to disrupt our friendship.  It would be a night hanging out with my boy just like any other. This night, I would have my titties all out, but that's not important. Stay focused, please.

I got there and we sat on the couch together.  We drank some wine and watched a few episodes.  Then, we drank more wine and watched almost the entire season.  As the night progressed and we got closer to finding out who was actually going to make the band ... Sean and I got closer on the couch.  I would ease closer.  At some point, his arm was around me and he was tapping my shoulder.  He asked if it was bothering me and I said it wasn't.  Then, it was like everything just swarmed.  I don't even remember how it happened, but I know for at least two episodes, Sean was on top of me, under me, but not inside of me.  It was so hot.  Never had I ever crossed this line with a close friend.  Don't brace for a wake up, people.  This was real life.  For close to an hour, we kissed, and touched.  He asked me if I was okay with what was happening, in a hot breathy voice.  I assured him that I was more than okay.  He slid his hand up my skirt and was greeted with preparation for what would come.

To Be Continued...

1 comment:

  1. whoa hot and heavy, but yet again, i had that same experience. It can be a lot to think about, but i tend to go with the flow.


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.