Monday, August 16, 2010

Face Shots ...

I'm not talking about pictures, folks.

Anytime it comes up, there is always a mixed bag of reaction. It's quite possibly one of the most uncomfortable conversations I have ever had with a group of women. Yet, I broach the subject any time I can. It doesn't happen often, because it's not often you can just ask, "So, how do you ladies feel about letting a guy cum on your face?"

See, it just made you a little uncomfortable. It unnerved you at the least. I am still unsure about the reality of this question or the answers it yields. It is frequently addressed as a taboo. Women will say that letting a guy cum on their breasts is no big deal. On their asses? Meh. But, letting a man cum on your face is inherently demeaning. It is just wrong.

So, is letting a man cum on your face degrading? I don't have the answer to this question.

What I do know is that I am, personally, grossed out by cum shots in porn. I am actually grossed out by most of the things in porn that are meant to turn a guy on. But then again, nothing in porn is as wholesome as real-life sex. Everything is a little more contrived and seedy. It's sex that is geared to an audience. Nothing in porn is for the actual people involved in the act. If the actors get enjoyment from it ... good for them, but that is a side note. The producers of that porn care nothing about if the woman actually came. They only care that she can fake it like nobody's business. So, the face getting cummed on doesn't have to be into it in porn. No one sat her down and said "Do you feel like taking a face shot today?" She's following blocking and director's notes. In that way, porn is not a true representation of sex or sexuality. Comparing sex and porn is a lot like comparing fruit and plastic fruit. They are both pretty and nice to look at, but fruit yields to the touch, it smells good and it's nourishing to the body. Plastic fruit is hard, cold and gets dusty. Porn looks nice, but it's sole purpose is to get a third party off. There is no real intimate interaction, no intent. The only intent is to do things, however mundane or outlandish, that will get people off. The interpretation lies with the beholder.

The beauty of sex between me and my partner is that we don't have to bring outside influence or other people's notions of what is and is not right into the bedroom. If a guy is prone to demeaning behavior or habits, the odds are good he won't be cumming within a 10 foot radius of me. If he's an asshole, the question of whether he can cum on my face or not won't ever come into play, because we won't be having sexual contact of any kind. One-timers and every-now-and-thens would stand no chance. This would be reserved for special members. And if, on a particular day, I am feeling oppressed by the outside world, I can say "No. I don't want you to cum on my face, sir. Not today." And any guy that I share a bed with will simply say ... "Okay." And after he's cum elsewhere, he will still lay with me and hold my hand and kiss my cheek, because it's not that big of a deal.

I would know if my partner were trying to degrade me. It's wrong to assume that an act is inherently a degradation of an entire sex or gender. I don't ever think I am degrading my partner when I move to the top of the bed and take my seat on his face. We are just having fun and doing what feels good for us. So, why would I think he has any different thoughts. Something is degrading if one is degraded. If I don't like something, I simply don't do it. During sex, I should be 100% with everything going on. If I'm not diggin it, it is not going down. But, I also try not to feel bad for things I don't mind or thing that I actually like, because someone else minds it, doesn't like it or has a preconceived notion of the intent behind it. All men and women have different motives. The things I do in the privacy of my bed, car or an elevator with my partner are my business and only I can decide what's right for me. I gauge things differently in different situations, but for the most part, I can't say I would really take issue with an occasional face shot from a special guy.

1 comment:

  1. Kinda feels odd as I type it,...but at the end there, it felt like an "awwwwww that's sweet" moment. U had us intrigued in the 1st paragraph.


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.