Friday, August 13, 2010

Letters From Readers - My Life Without an Orgasm

I addressed this letter in my last blog post, titled Missing: The Female Orgasm. I don't have much more to say. I just thought it was important for the readers of this blog to get a different perspective and see that nothing is the norm when it comes to a woman's sexuality. Hopefully, there are women who can find comfort in knowing that there are other women dealing with the same issues they are. I would like to thank all of the readers that share their stories with us. It's bold and it's appreciated.

Dear Poly,

I come from a religious background, in which I am currently struggling. It's "bad" to have sex outside of marriage and, overall, I understand the reasoning behind it. Unfortunately, it hasn't bothered me as much lately.

Let me provide you with a little history. My parents marriage sucks, to say the least. Mom calls me constantly bitching about dad. Now, do you think that has me ever wanting to get married? HELL NO! So, since I love to be intimate and I never want to get married, might as
well have fun, right?

I lost my virginity to Boy (I don't believe in men...LOL) "B" when I was 25 or so. It just kinda happened. He lived with a roommate and I for a little bit but we didn't mess around until afterwards. Frankly, he was small and it was all about him. In some ways, that was good
because I shouldn't have been "doing it" anyways (this was back when I was more of a "goody two shoes"). This whole fiasco turned into a lot of wasted money at bars, on cigarrettes, on hotels and all because he didn't have a job. Talk about loser! I got more out of performing oral sex on him than anything and that usually happened in the car.

He went down on me once and no more. I betcha that would get me to orgasm! It's hard to squeeze down on a floorboard when you're nearly 6-feet tall!

A year or so later, maybe less, I made the mistake of getting in a
conversation with Boy "J" and indicated that I have never had an orgasm. I was raised very openly about sex. If I had a question, I asked and got a honest answer. I am grateful for that but also can now see where it was not so much a good thing because talking about sex with boys leads to, well, sex. Anywho, so this guy pretty much laid me out on the couch of his RV trailer (another winner, right?)
and I was floored. The fact that it was so sudden turned me on more
than the rest of the experience. I had never seen anything that big before and don't think I ever will! However, again, it was all about him. We had another occurrence the next weekend. Why? Because he asked me that day how "it" was. I didn't know what he was referring to and he said that I had an orgasm. I told him that I clearly did not because, from what I've heard, I will know. So, he took it as another challenge.

On a first date with Boy "J," we got naked on my bed and didn't go anywhere. I told him no. We hadn't even kissed and I feel that's something that's crucial for arousal. He was probably a bad kisser anyways...LOL Today, because my hormones are raging, I texted him a fairly general text and expected the answer I got. He simply said,
“Buy condoms and I will be over after work.” WHOA! I was surely not expecting that, especially from someone who was supposed to have the same religious “standards” that I “do.” I chose not to take him up on the offer because, unfortunately, it’s that time of the month.
Another reason, which may be dumb, is because I don’t want to keep adding to my “number.” Is that dumb? Probably…..

Then I reconnected with Boy "K" from high school. That was a mistake but, damn, a good one! This guy had an amazing dick and knew how to work it SO well. I am now addicted to him and would love to be "fuck buddies" on a regular basis. I would think nothing of it, as my view of religion has been skewed for various other reasons. Lately, I have been insecure b/c we haven't been talking like we used to. He compliments me and I love it. It makes me want to go back for more. Nothing like a little reassurance, right? The first instance is where I performed oral sex in the shower and, let's just say, he was blown away (no pun intended, of course). The next time was 3 weeks ago where he went deep inside of me and I was SO SO SO close to orgasming but couldn't bring myself to do it. It's like I am scared of "letting it go." Maybe it's embarrassment? Maybe it's just insecurity? Who the hell knows but, damn, if I want to have my first orgasm with
anyone, it's Boy "K." We emailed back and forth today and I expressed my concern that we don’t talk like we did a short while ago. He responded with, “It’s cool. Just chill. Soon I’ll tear yo ass up again. And, I’ll give ‘ya instructions on riding.” DAMN, talk about reassurance. It just can’t happen soon enough. Riding is something I have never done but, with him, I am willing to experiment. I would LOVE for him to be my teacher. Can you tell I am damn horny today?

Four days later, I met up with this guy I have been seriously talking to and pretty much had sex in his office, as he was pulling a "all nighter" at work. I was uncomfortable in that environment so maybe that's why it wasn't as pleasurable. Who knows but I would be willing to give it another shot. That is only if stupid dumbass ex-girlfriend didn't come into the picture.

Anyways, long story short, I am 31 and have never orgasm'ed. I SO want to with Boy "K" as he is freaking amazing and he gets me going without even being here. Wow! He's got it all going on and, damn it's all good, from the kissing to the deep penetration. I'm not sure it gets any better than that - WOW!I, as well, have insecurities and am addicted to Boy "K" (AKA Anyone that damn good) but, at this point spiritually, I am perfectly fine with that. My thoery right now is "Let It Roar." I just don't care. It's fun and I love it!

How did I know I was close to orgasm’ing? First of all, I felt like I was going to pee and wasn’t sure if that was “normal” (yes, I am na├»ve in this area). I asked a friend or two and they said that is normal. Whew! I didn’t want to “pee” on him but, now I know, bring it on,
babe, bring it on!


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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.