Sunday, August 22, 2010

There Will Be No Obligatory Sex.

Recently, a prospective blind date texted, asking if I wanted to have a drink some time.  There was an obvious flirtation, so there was no question about whether this was a romantic drink or not.  It was.  We exchanged texts and a date was set.  We would meet on Tuesday.  You don't need to know anything else about this guy except that there was no need for his last text.  It was a deal breaker.  "Cool ... let me know what you want to do and you probably know what I want to do, so maybe 50/50?  We do what you want and then go back and do what I want later?"  Are you serious?  No.  Date cancelled.  Thank you for saving me from a waste of a perfectly useful date night.  I am not pre-agreeing to have sex with you.  We've never met.  And, so, based on the text you just sent me, you won't be fucking.  Not Tuesday, not Wednesday, not in 2011... never.

A similar thing happened on the date with the 22 year old.  I got this feeling that he was expecting that sex was just going to happen. Regardless of our chemistry or attraction, sex was inevitable.  Not the case.  The difference was, the 22 year old had read a little of this blog and he was over zealous.  Dickhead from the first paragraph doesn't even know about the blog.  He's just a moron.  

I don't have obligatory sex.  I know what you are thinking, what about The Beautiful One?  That was pre-negotiated.  You're right, it was, but seriously if you had ever seen him ... He gets a pass on all things that are or aren't in my character.  He was amazing.  Plus, we video chatted.  I knew what was up, and he was smooth about it.  We knew what we were meeting up to do, but he still took time to chill with me and chat it up.  Have a few laughs.  He was a nice guy.  Even though we met up with the idea of having sex, never did I feel like not having sex with him might cost me my ride home.  

There are fine lines and it is hard to explain them.  They are not always black and white. Sometimes, you might feel like you are pushing the line only slightly.  Instead, you come off like a total asshole.  If it comes down to a choice of playing it cool or going for the gusto, I would say 99.99% of the time, playing it cool is your best bet.  

Another fatal flaw in the text was the positioning of sex as a bartering tool.  Please do not use sex as a payback or a negotiator.  So, let me get this straight.  You suffer through an evening of things I enjoy, and in return, I suffer through sex with you?  What is this, a trade?  No deal.  No thanks, guy. I never really liked miniature golf and I've seen most of the current movies out, while on dates with nice guys.  I don't really need a chicken dinner like that.  My mom makes chicken and I can eat it in my jammies then go to sleep. 

So, in the end, I will not be agreeing to sex with you in exchange for something I want to do.  I'm not hungry or thirsty enough to fuck you.  I'm good.  But, thanks for the offer? ...  Anyone want to go out on Tuesday?

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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