Saturday, August 7, 2010

The DP Dilemma

Earlier in the week, I got an interesting and thought provoking proposition. One of my one-timers hit me up and asked if there was any way I could pull together a threesome. This was a request that I was not at all surprised to receive. Then, he threw me a curve ball. He wanted a threesome with another man. He was quick to tell me that he didn't want to touch the other man or have any contact. He wasn't gay. He was mainly interested in DP and oral.

This is not something I have ever been into. In the dark of night, under the sheets, my mind has never even played with the idea. It is a fantasy for some of my homegirls, but I have never been into the idea. Not only does the thought of two men in me at once seem uncomfortable ... painful even, it makes me feel more vulnerable than I care to feel during sex. In the past, when this subject has come up, I have always shuddered at the idea.

When he asked me, I was taken aback for a moment. But, at the same time, I was turned on. This was the first time the idea had seemed at all appealing. I had a good idea of how it would go down. We started playing out the logistics of it. We got as far as discussing positions. I was never fully in. I would still have to ask the other guy and think on it for a bit.

I ran a hypothetical past a couple people. I asked a friend and I texted another guy I had been talking to. The friend was for it. Actually a few of my girlfriends came into the discussion and they were all for it. The guy said he had a similar experience and he would tell me about it. I would take all of these opinions into consideration, but the fact of the matter is, the decision boiled down to the opinion and feelings of one person and one person only: Me.

I decided that there were too many outside factors in play. Not only did I have a really good-looking guy in my ear serving as the cheerleader for DP, I had friends that had been into the idea for a long time and I had the surprise turn-on when real actors came into play. When I could picture the men, I was attracted to the idea. There was also a thrill factor. This is what scared me. I am not the type to go for the thrill. The fact that the idea had never appealed to me before this moment was a strong red flag.

I was never into it before, why was I now not only contemplating it, but ironing out details for how it might go down? This required some thought. I backed off. I stopped talking to ol' dude about it for a while and I worked on cutting out the outside influence. This is kind of a big deal.

So, I have come to a conclusion. Not yet. I don't like to say never, but not now. Not in the near future. It's not something I have ever really wanted to do. The initial thrill was rooted in someone else's excitement. Once that settled down, I was left with apprehension and a slightly peaked curiosity. I could be down. and I wonder what that is like? are not strong enough reasons to put myself in a room with two large grown men and attempt an act that I haven't even considered in the past. It was way too much. For the time being, I am not down with the DP.


  1. The politics & logistics of a threesome are always tricky. Finding one satisfying partner is difficult enough, finding 2 simultaneously? May as well be on a hunt for unicorn meat.

    I've had to referee when the 2nd B in the BBG wanted to take things further than the pre-negotiated boundaries (no vids, fingernails or "surprise" emissions).

    From the female perspective, I don't know what more safeguards you can take than the usual- safe, sane, consensual & notify a friend of where, with whom & what.

  2. i think u should work more on the vulnerable part ... if u haven't been vulnerable during sex, then you haven't had sex woman! ... fully that is


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.