Sunday, August 8, 2010

Not Feelin' It, Mrs. Robinson

Age is a number, indeed. It is also a level of confidence, an accumulation of experiences and, sometimes, a group of shared memories or interests.

I have found that when I am on a date with a guy 3-5 years old than I am, there is a good middle ground. Men in their early 30's tend to have a nice mix of confidence and shared experiences/interests. This is where the conversation lives. A general question about your favorite movie can turn into a discussion of memories about what movie theatre you saw the movie in, you know the one that has been closed down for 10 years, but used to have really sticky floors. Or you might find yourself in a conversation about what venues had the best shows, bars that have since passed or faded away or the 90's. There are limitless things you can discuss with someone when you have things in common. This is what we all look for in a date. A good reason to not sit and stare at our feet.

For the most part, the guys that are my age have the potential to offer the same thing. Maybe we grew up in the same part of town during the same time. Maybe we went to the same spots, liked the same restaurants, listened to the same music. If he grew up watching The Simpsons, we most likely have a similar sense of humor. If a guy is 24, he was born in 1986, 3 years before The Simpsons went into it's first season, so at best, he was 9 when the show headed south. Yeah, I said it. The Simpsons is still the best thing on TV, but it's nothing compared to its first 6 seasons. So, with any guy under 24, you find a Simpsons deficit. Even if they watched the show later in life, its not the same. There are a lot of generational and environmental factors, but The Simpsons is a pretty important one.

So, for guys under 24, the most you can hope for is some Chappelle Show quoting and some vague recollection of the 80's. The 22 year old fell into this category. It's not that he wasn't smart or witty, he just wasn't 30. There was nothing he could have really done. I knew when I left the house that it was a long shot, but I figured What the hell? and I went out with a guy that was born in 1988.

The 22 year old was a young guy on the scene. When we met, I was working and he was partying. He asked me out the week after we met and I accepted. We made plans and he picked me up. The conversation didn't flow instantly. I had some apprehension about being goofy. On the averagedate, I will give a guy the business and be my normal confident self. For some reason, I held back and just sat quietly. I felt like it was too much for him.

From the beginning of the date, I wasn't myself. The conversation was a bit forced and the fact that we went back and hung out at his place didn't help the situation. This was also my suggestion. I thought I wanted a quiet evening, but I did not take into account that we would have no distractions.

Any other time, this would have been a perfectly cool evening, but he also knew about the blog and that created some awkward conversations. This was the first time the blog had been this present on a date. Other guys have known about it, read it and been chill about it. The 22 year old had only read a few posts and it came across that he had a misunderstanding of how this evening was going to play out. I don't put any fault on anyone, maybe I was not as clear as I could have been. It started feeling a bit like certain things were expected. This might have been my misunderstanding, but either way, it was getting late. Instead of making this guy drive all the way across town, I hit up a girlfriend that was in the area and she scooped me up.

It wasn't meant as a shoot down. We had spent a few hours together and it was time for the night to close to an end. If you aren't going to make out with someone and that is where they want the evening to go, it's best to take your leave of them. So, this is what I did.

I am sure that there is some 21 or 22 year old woman out there that will find her Prince Charming in the 22 year old. He was really nice and very smart, he just wasn't born at the right time... For me, anyway.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.