Monday, August 16, 2010

Head ... It's A Deal Breaker.

Yesterday, I got an email from a woman saying she is not big on waxing or shaving and she is not sure if that is the reason why she has only gotten head once in her life. Could be, but I say it's probably because she doesn't ask for it. Personally, I groom. I keep the area as tidy as possible. I never know when I might get lucky. And, it increases my sensitivity and turns me on. So, I do it for me, but I can't say whether grooming or not grooming has ever had an influence on the amount of head I get. Different people like different things.

Cunnilingus is a deep topic, so to speak. There are many different layers, but it seems that the biggest questions are: Why are women scared to ask for it? and Why are some men scared to do it? Again, I can't really answer these questions. But, that is what I do. I pose a question and then I ramble about my experiences and then at the end, none of us are any closer to the "truth." But, hopefully, some people feel like they are less alone in their sexual struggles. Now, for the rambling.

If you give me head, it is appreciated. You don't have to love giving me head, but if you do, it's so much better. If a guy gets hard and stays hard while giving me head and we can have sex immediately after, he gets a little gold star in my little black book. I recently got the best head of my life. I immediately told him how great it was and I am sure my satisfaction was reflected when we had sex and I gave him head. It was a truly mutually beneficial experience.

I also had a recent run-in with some not so good head. The guy was all over the place. This approach is good, at first. But, at some point I need you to get centered and focused and slow it down. Too hard, too fast, too much. I need a man to hear me and feel my movements as he is giving me head. Don't just go down there and start putting on a show. We have to work together on this. I am listening to your body and your sounds when giving you head. Do the same for me.

For all of those men out there that say they don't go down on women ... whatever your reasoning, grow up. As for your homeboy across the table, laughing and agreeing with you ... He went down on me last week. Yeah. He's pretty good at it. That's why he probably gets more head than you. If you aren't willing to go below the equator, neither am I. If you don't like going down on me, try giving a dude head. It's a lot harder. Trust me. I know. No? No, you don't want to go down on men either? I didn't think you would go for that. So, suck it up. We all do things that aren't the greatest for us. I don't really care if you are having a great time. Your great time will come when I am giving you the best head of your life. But, this is the giving portion of the show.

So, in response to the author of the letter, I am not sure why your partners aren’t going down on you. The one thing I am sure of is you aren’t insisting upon getting head. I don’t mean to sound harsh. Of course, you don’t want someone to go down on you if they are being a jerk about it, but from personal experience, most guys aren’t jerks about it. If I went strictly off of my experience, I would say that 98% of men give head. If you tell a man that you really want it, they will probably be more likely to do it.

The trouble with this is that there is an odd stigma on going down on women. This is a crock of shit. When you go down on a woman, you are doing half of the work we do when we go down on you. Some times, the day after giving good head, I have teeth indentions on my upper and lower lip. I deep throat, so sometimes my throat is a little sore. Not to mention that depending on the man, the shape and the size of his penis, my eyes water and my nose runs. And I have to hide all of this and still seem moderately sexy while doing it. If you want that from us, then hop to. Answer the call of duty. Men, if you want to get head, then you have responsibilities and when you shirk said responsibilities, you seem unreliable. When you say you don’t go down on women, you are, essentially, saying you aren’t that good of a lover. If you are happy with shouting that from a mountaintop, then run and tell it. Trust, your partners will help you spread the word. Or, you can step up to the plate and work on being a better man.


  1. Can't build a house with one tool, I always say.

  2. maybe she is fucking the wrong men! i am just saying. a man tells a woman when he wants some head action, so why can't can't women do the same? most women play the submissive role & are shy to ask for it in return. that's where those women are wrong! a man also likes a little dominance in the sack. let the man know what you want! take control, push his head down south, he'll get the point & trust me. but if he says NO or ignores the gesture. then simply don't give him head. simple as that!


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.