If I had anything at all invested in online dating ... or the quality of my online profile, I would have been sad after today. Instead, I am a little disturbed, but mostly just entertained. Normally, I have a very good experience with my online dating. It doesn't always make for a date or a successful match, but there is usually some flirtation and respectful no thank you's. That was not the case today. There are two messages that left me laughing and then saying ... hey ... what tha?
First message ... I had been talking to this guy back and forth for a couple weeks and he said he was going to call. I got a text message from a Kenny and I was not sure who Kenny was, so I messaged ol' dude and asked if he had texted me, as he hadn't sent his actual name. That is the beauty of the online chat... sometimes little details like names can get left out. His response was kind of awesome ... but I didn't really get it... at all. He said he had called, but after, he had looked at the new pics I had posted, and he wandered if I had a medical condition. Okay. Two things. First, ouch. Second, I didn't add any new pics. So, he didn't want to talk to me because of my new "condition." I am still lost on that one. He was cute too. But I think he was crazy.
Second message ... This guy sent me a message saying that I "looked juicy" and he "wanted to eat me." I deleted and ignored. Then he sent a second message saying that he just had to tell me that he thought I was really sexy. I told him I was not interested this time. His third message said he was just looking for a woman to "snuggle up with his 10 inches." Okay. The end. I sent a message telling him to leave me alone, but I failed to block him. This was my bad. He then sent me a message back saying that if I didn't want to be treated like a hooker then I shouldn't act like one. But ... I ... but ... umm ... No use. This time, I just blocked him.
So, there you have it, folks. I am a hooker with a medical condition. It doesn't matter that I also got two messages from very cute, intelligent guys and actually started dialogue. Or that I got about 30 messages just complimenting either my funny profile or my pics... oh no. These two stood out way more than the nice ones ... and I thought they deserved a post. They are probably the only negative messages I have gotten. Oh wait no ... this really ugly guy once messaged me and told me I should invest in a mask. I still don't know if that was sarcasm or just another crazy. Hope you guys can get a laugh at my expense. Time to rub some salve on these wounds and get out there and make this money. Until next time, kids.
Wednesday, September 8, 2010
The Player - Part 3
When we left off, there was a scantily clad pro ball player laying in my bed drinking from a 12 pack of Blue Moon. Heh. I just wanted to say that. I might say it again before the end of the post. We joked around more. He massaged me and I massaged him. His ankle was swollen and so I rubbed his foot for him. This led to a discussion about injury vs pain and I found it all a bit sad. His body was strong and beautiful, but at the same time, it was torn the fuck up. In that moment, he was vulnerable and I got to see another side of him. The side that denied pain to keep bringing in a paycheck that not only allowed him to live above comfort, but helped his family out, as well.
Then, I don't know how it happened, but I was on top of him, kissing his stomach. We all know what came next. Head. He was impressed with my ability and I was blown away by his. I hadn't ever been with someone with this level of skill. Definitely not a man. Women pride themselves on knowing about the female anatomy, but I would swear this guy invented the female orgasm. I don't know what it is. Remember Train Guy??? He had nothing on this dude, except about 12 years. I can't imagine how good this man will be in bed when he is 30.
We had to have a talk after he finished. I needed to know how a man knows that. I know that in order to give good head, I tune into a man, fully. I feel when he gets harder, I listen to his moans, I feel his muscles tighten and I do the things that make all of those things happen. He pretty much gave the same answer. He said it's a connection. It's the difference between sex and fuckin'. We were on the same page.
After our discussion, I don't really know what happened next, but I was on my stomach and he was behind me. He was so much stronger than me, it was unbelievable. But in all of the force he was using to hold me down, it was just so that he could kiss the back of my neck, back and legs. He didn't enter me again right then. We kissed for a while and he laid me on my back and entered me missionary. He was very gentle. We fell asleep after giving each other head and having sex 3 times. In the morning, we woke and had sex again. Then we talked for about an hour and he was on his way.
He gets the name The Player for more than one reason. The fact that he plays ball is only one detail of who he is. In the end, I don't care that much about money or a name. What happens in the restaurant, bar and bedroom are what matters to me. I like that he has a passion and that he does what he loves, but the fact that it's football is really no different than Lewis loving his art or me loving what I do. It's not his profession that makes him special, it's the passion he puts into it.
Okay, so, if I haven't told you before, I have a little trouble trusting the things men say. That having been said, I like this man. I don't really understand anything about him, though. I know that he is good in bed and I know that we get each other on that level. Maybe it's me, but I feel like he is trying to play me even though it's not necessary at all. He told me things like "Your head is the best I have ever gotten" and "I haven't been with a woman in a long time." He called me gorgeous and said my legs were perfect. And he has said he wants to see me again. He texts occasionally, but I don't get a Good Morning text anymore. He now texts at night to say he is thinking about me. It's only been a few days and I don't really know that any of this means anything. He could be giving me lines. Some guys like to feel like they are playing you even when you can't really be played. Sometimes, the game is too much to give up. Or, he could be being genuine and I could be misjudging his kind comments. I am not going to prejudged or come to any conclusions right now. Or ... Maybe it's a little of both, but it really doesn't matter. I like a good game, myself, on occasion. So, I will see him again if the opportunity comes up. But, I won't have any hard feelings if he moves on to the next lucky woman. Only time will tell. Either way ... No harm. No foul.
Yes, I know that is a basketball term, but it fit.
Then, I don't know how it happened, but I was on top of him, kissing his stomach. We all know what came next. Head. He was impressed with my ability and I was blown away by his. I hadn't ever been with someone with this level of skill. Definitely not a man. Women pride themselves on knowing about the female anatomy, but I would swear this guy invented the female orgasm. I don't know what it is. Remember Train Guy??? He had nothing on this dude, except about 12 years. I can't imagine how good this man will be in bed when he is 30.
We had to have a talk after he finished. I needed to know how a man knows that. I know that in order to give good head, I tune into a man, fully. I feel when he gets harder, I listen to his moans, I feel his muscles tighten and I do the things that make all of those things happen. He pretty much gave the same answer. He said it's a connection. It's the difference between sex and fuckin'. We were on the same page.
After our discussion, I don't really know what happened next, but I was on my stomach and he was behind me. He was so much stronger than me, it was unbelievable. But in all of the force he was using to hold me down, it was just so that he could kiss the back of my neck, back and legs. He didn't enter me again right then. We kissed for a while and he laid me on my back and entered me missionary. He was very gentle. We fell asleep after giving each other head and having sex 3 times. In the morning, we woke and had sex again. Then we talked for about an hour and he was on his way.
He gets the name The Player for more than one reason. The fact that he plays ball is only one detail of who he is. In the end, I don't care that much about money or a name. What happens in the restaurant, bar and bedroom are what matters to me. I like that he has a passion and that he does what he loves, but the fact that it's football is really no different than Lewis loving his art or me loving what I do. It's not his profession that makes him special, it's the passion he puts into it.
Okay, so, if I haven't told you before, I have a little trouble trusting the things men say. That having been said, I like this man. I don't really understand anything about him, though. I know that he is good in bed and I know that we get each other on that level. Maybe it's me, but I feel like he is trying to play me even though it's not necessary at all. He told me things like "Your head is the best I have ever gotten" and "I haven't been with a woman in a long time." He called me gorgeous and said my legs were perfect. And he has said he wants to see me again. He texts occasionally, but I don't get a Good Morning text anymore. He now texts at night to say he is thinking about me. It's only been a few days and I don't really know that any of this means anything. He could be giving me lines. Some guys like to feel like they are playing you even when you can't really be played. Sometimes, the game is too much to give up. Or, he could be being genuine and I could be misjudging his kind comments. I am not going to prejudged or come to any conclusions right now. Or ... Maybe it's a little of both, but it really doesn't matter. I like a good game, myself, on occasion. So, I will see him again if the opportunity comes up. But, I won't have any hard feelings if he moves on to the next lucky woman. Only time will tell. Either way ... No harm. No foul.
Yes, I know that is a basketball term, but it fit.
The Player - Part 2
I started typing his name into Google and there he was. I was 4 letters into his first name and Google prompted me with his entire name. There were links to the NFL, the UFL and multiple teams, including his college team. I was confused. It was obvious that he had been drafted into the NFL, but from there I couldn't really figure out where he played now. It wasn't important.
The major points of this information were ...
The major points of this information were ...
- A. He was who he said he was. And he could easily be researched.
- B. He had an AMAZING body.
- C. He was disciplined.
- D. I could watch Youtube videos of him working out.
- E. He was buying dinner.
Beyond that, there was an initial apprehension that was added to the excitement of meeting a new man. His drive was over an hour and so he was going to stay the night with me. This meant that, though not definite, there was a good chance he would see my naked body. I was now a little bit self conscious. I am an attractive woman. I attract the type of men I am attracted to and so it all works out. But, I don't know how to date a professional football player. What does that entail? I am a student that writes about sex and I am super humble. Did I need to run out and get a reality television show? Should I do some crunches before our date?
The day of the first date rolled around and I was surprised to find that I was no more or less nervous than I was before any date. We had talked a few times and he texted me with a "Good Morning, Gorgeous." everyday. I was really okay. I was more nervous, because I had forgotten that my ID was expired and while I made it by in Texas, the bars up here had always given me a hard time.
He showed up at 8 and I met him at the street. I hopped into his car and we headed into town. The vibe was instantly chill. He asked if I was nervous and I said yes. He told me that I shouldn't be and that I looked nice. Once we got into town we spent a few minutes looking for a parking spot. He was starving ... I assume being all of about 3% body fat leaves you hungry a lot. So, we hit the closest restaurant when we found a parking spot.
He was shy when it came to ordering, yet he still ordered for me. I thought it was really cute. He was charming and he smiled a lot. A lot. We joked around most of the meal and talked about sex. Our conversation about sex was too loud for the family establishment we had entered. And he loudly contested my statement that I could take him by saying "I could kick your ass." This town isn't ready for me and my new date. So, as soon as we finished our drinks and our meals, we headed out to the nearest bar. It was conveniently one block away.
When we got settled at the bar, we got close. He told me that I looked really good in my skirt and he took my hand. I rubbed his leg a bit and he pulled me close as we cracked jokes. He tried to give me a quick lesson in football. I attempted to grasp the concept. Not too difficult, I guess. But, he suggested we sit together and watch a game. This way he could explain it as it goes. I liked this idea. Mainly because I envisioned it starting out with us watching football and ending with sex. Most of my forethought does end in sex, though.
We finished up one drink and we headed out again. He wanted to walk. I get the feeling he has trouble staying put for long. I don't know that this observation has any greater meaning at this point, but I am sure lines can be drawn. So, we were off. We passed a liquor store before we even got back to the car and he started to ask if I wanted to just get something and go drink at my place. I had the same idea and cut him off before he could finish. We popped in and bought some beer, then we headed back to my place.
This was a brilliant idea. He was so playful, it was hard to contain out in public. There were a few times I found myself laughing and putting my hand over his mouth so he didn't loudly talk about sex or the tightness of the man's jeans in front of us. Being back at my place, we could be as silly and playful as we wanted. It was super comfortable, but super hot. Temperature hot. Which led to him stripping down to his boxers. That led to the other kind of hot.
You guys know me. I like to leave you hanging ... good stuff to follow. Stay tuned, kiddos.
Tuesday, September 7, 2010
The Player
My life has changed location. As you know, I recently relocated to New England and I am just getting settled in. In an attempt to not drag my feet or have another sexless year, I lined up dates... I actually had dates lined up before I got here, but you know how those turned out. Not too promising.
So, you know that I am all about utilizing all of my dating resources and I am pretty successful when it comes to finding dates. Not all the dates are successful, but at the very least, they teach me what I don't want out from a lover/date. I have also told you that I have had zero luck dating here in New England. I never realized how region could affect my dating so drastically. But, that is not what this is about. This is the story of how New England's reputation was, single-handedly, redeemed by one man.
My first interaction with Giovanni was interesting and he was as sexy as sin. I was attracted to him and we immediately set up a date. He was decisive and we set plans to go out the following weekend. I was apprehensive, but as the week progressed, I grew excited. When we originally met, I had no idea about his profession, nor was I really interested in or curious about what he did. I just thought he was cute and I was hoping that he would prove to be more of my type of man than the fancy ass men I had dated here in the past.
So, we texted for a few days leading up to our date. One night, we were instant messaging and he said he had to go, because he had to get up early the next day "for practice." Our conversation had been good up to this point. We had a good vibe. I was digging him, so far, and I was excited to meet him. I didn't really think anything of him saying practice, but I asked what he had practice for, anyway. "Football practice." I got quiet for a minute, because I was trying to think of what you ask next... "Who do you play for?" "Where do you play?" He laughed and said he thought I was judging him for a minute. Then he said my homework would be to figure out where he played. I accepted the challenge and said "Goodnight."
It wasn't much of a challenge. I started typing his first name into Google and the first Google prompt that came up was him. Huh. This search would yield an answer to my question ... but not one I was ready for. This dude was no high school football coach....
So, you know that I am all about utilizing all of my dating resources and I am pretty successful when it comes to finding dates. Not all the dates are successful, but at the very least, they teach me what I don't want out from a lover/date. I have also told you that I have had zero luck dating here in New England. I never realized how region could affect my dating so drastically. But, that is not what this is about. This is the story of how New England's reputation was, single-handedly, redeemed by one man.
My first interaction with Giovanni was interesting and he was as sexy as sin. I was attracted to him and we immediately set up a date. He was decisive and we set plans to go out the following weekend. I was apprehensive, but as the week progressed, I grew excited. When we originally met, I had no idea about his profession, nor was I really interested in or curious about what he did. I just thought he was cute and I was hoping that he would prove to be more of my type of man than the fancy ass men I had dated here in the past.
So, we texted for a few days leading up to our date. One night, we were instant messaging and he said he had to go, because he had to get up early the next day "for practice." Our conversation had been good up to this point. We had a good vibe. I was digging him, so far, and I was excited to meet him. I didn't really think anything of him saying practice, but I asked what he had practice for, anyway. "Football practice." I got quiet for a minute, because I was trying to think of what you ask next... "Who do you play for?" "Where do you play?" He laughed and said he thought I was judging him for a minute. Then he said my homework would be to figure out where he played. I accepted the challenge and said "Goodnight."
It wasn't much of a challenge. I started typing his first name into Google and the first Google prompt that came up was him. Huh. This search would yield an answer to my question ... but not one I was ready for. This dude was no high school football coach....
Saturday, September 4, 2010
Late Night Realizations: or, When Did This Happen?
When I was young, I could paint a future with any man I dated. No matter how mundane the time we spent. No matter how little true feeling I had for the person, I could always imagine a future with him. We'll call it desperation or maybe wishful thinking. Naw ... desperation is most likely it. I will save you the details, but I had some separation anxiety and some difficulty being alone in my teens and early 20's. The end result of that was a string of unsuccessful relationships that were based on little, or no, real connection or emotion.
Fast forward to now. Fast forward to tonight, actually. I sit here typing after having another good date. There was a connection. There was feeling. And, there was a complete inability to imagine how I could ever really have a relationship with this guy. Sometimes I try to imagine it just for the hell of it. These days, I have little luck imagining a successful relationship with anyone.
I have honed in on what I want in men. Not this list of qualities that I expect to find all in one man, but an idea of things that will and won't work. I know when to call it quits and stop responding to texts. I know when something is just not worth the time. I also know when it will be something worth while. Yet, I can't ever see a future with any of the men I date. I feel love for some of them, deep admiration for others. I find qualities that are great and there are probably 4 guys that I am currently seeing that I want to keep seeing.
So, as I lay here tonight, attempting sleep next to another wonderful man, I can't help but wonder if I will ever meet anyone that I can imagine settling down with. I also wonder what happened between my early 20's and now. I am about 20 days from my 30th birthday and somewhere along the way, I stopped planning my future with men and became happier than I have ever been. My only concern is, if this kind of change happened in my 20's, what will my 30's hold and how will I feel when I'm 40??? I guess only time will tell.
Fast forward to now. Fast forward to tonight, actually. I sit here typing after having another good date. There was a connection. There was feeling. And, there was a complete inability to imagine how I could ever really have a relationship with this guy. Sometimes I try to imagine it just for the hell of it. These days, I have little luck imagining a successful relationship with anyone.
I have honed in on what I want in men. Not this list of qualities that I expect to find all in one man, but an idea of things that will and won't work. I know when to call it quits and stop responding to texts. I know when something is just not worth the time. I also know when it will be something worth while. Yet, I can't ever see a future with any of the men I date. I feel love for some of them, deep admiration for others. I find qualities that are great and there are probably 4 guys that I am currently seeing that I want to keep seeing.
So, as I lay here tonight, attempting sleep next to another wonderful man, I can't help but wonder if I will ever meet anyone that I can imagine settling down with. I also wonder what happened between my early 20's and now. I am about 20 days from my 30th birthday and somewhere along the way, I stopped planning my future with men and became happier than I have ever been. My only concern is, if this kind of change happened in my 20's, what will my 30's hold and how will I feel when I'm 40??? I guess only time will tell.
Mr. One Upper - Repost
The following is a repost from I Hate 2 Date. Peep it. You won't be sorry.
___________________________________________________
Well, I sucked it up and went out on the date with….hmmm….let’s call him Mr. One-Upper. This has inspired me to construct another installment of Please Don’t. You determine how the date went.
Please Don’t….
1. Cancel the date 2 hours before and then re-schedule.
2. Pick a very expensive restaurant and then text me “We’re just meeting for drinks!”
3. Try to get me plastered within the first 20 minutes.
4. Insist that you know more than me….about everything….and then insist my opinions are wrong but cute.
5. Tell me you grew up with a live-in maid on a first date. Come to think of it…I don’t ever need to know that.
6. Repeatedly ask me if you meet my expectations?
7. Tell me that if I wasn’t attractive you would have bailed within the first 30 minutes.
8. Call the bartender honey or sweetie while you continue to annoy both her and I.
9. Check your blackberry in front of me all night. C’mon fellas that one is a no brainer.
10. Ask me “do you know what that means?” when speaking about world affairs.
11. Make sure to incorporate how successful you are in every other sentence.
12. Be so friggin’ obvious when checking my cleavage.
13. “One Up” me on anything and everything.
14. Think you are so worldly because you travel to NY for business a few times a month.
15. Tell me how beautiful the women you date are. Surely you are undeserving and impressing them with your wallet!
Actually the date was ok. It’s the post date wrap up that makes me realize what a douche he is. Surely what appeals to most women repulses me!
Thursday, September 2, 2010
I'm Not New To This ...
I am back in New England. I have been back almost 3 days and I definitely hit the ground running. Not really ... I hit the ground sleeping, because The Beautiful One put it on me the night before my flight. But, that's neither here nor there. The point is I had dates lined up before I ever boarded the plane in Houston.
I have not ever dated anyone in my 2 years here in New England. Shocking, I know. I generally save my dating for Houston. Like I have said, I love the Houston guys. But, it was time for a change. I can't make it through another year here denying such a big part of myself. So, about a week before my return, I switched my online dating profiles over and started making contacts.
I had one good contact. He actually was kind enough to pick me up from the airport when my ride bailed last minute. That was exceptionally generous. I think I will see him again, but I don't know how long I will go with it, because I think he is a bit too nice for me. He's very christian and he doesn't cuss. I didn't even know how to begin to approach the blog. The truth is, he is probably a lot more open minded than I am giving him credit for, but he's a Sunday school teacher and I am just concerned that my true being will offend his sensibilities. So, we will see where that goes.
That was the ONE good one. I hung out with another guy. I don't even want to go into it. He is the thing about New England that really gets me. The men here can be so high maintenance. Seriously, they are a bit hard to swallow. No pun intended. This dude's dick would never come anywhere near my mouth. He was cute, so I might rub up against him for a minute or let him go down on me, but I wouldn't think twice about denying him sex or head. It's my prerogative. Dude was a Grade A prick. He took attempts at being funny to a level of just being rude, not to mention he has a girlfriend. I need him to just sit down.
Then, there was That Guy Part 2. This one didn't get past a phone conversation. Thank God. Can I just say that there is a difference between being a confident man and just attempting to make people feel inferior. That doesn't read as confidence. It reads as assholery. If I ask where you are from and you tell me to chill with the 20 questions, you can go sit down, too. We are done here. I don't have to have an intellectual tennis match with you on the first phone call. I know I am smart. You will be able to see it and if you are smart, I will find out soon enough as well. And if you aren't that smart, just work on being nice. Nice is a good quality too. I don't go for the jerks. Some might, but I do not.
Things started looking up yesterday. I will let you guys know how it goes. I have some positive prospects. In the meantime, I am going to steer clear of the guys that want to compete with me and prove they are smarter. It's not going to happen buddy. I don't mind witty banter or some light hearted joking. Todd was really good at that and I enjoyed it. But if you aren't as smooth as Todd, don't try it. You just come off as trying to compete with me. I don't compete with dudes. I prefer to join forces and see what kind of shit we can do together. But, maybe that's just me.
I have not ever dated anyone in my 2 years here in New England. Shocking, I know. I generally save my dating for Houston. Like I have said, I love the Houston guys. But, it was time for a change. I can't make it through another year here denying such a big part of myself. So, about a week before my return, I switched my online dating profiles over and started making contacts.
I had one good contact. He actually was kind enough to pick me up from the airport when my ride bailed last minute. That was exceptionally generous. I think I will see him again, but I don't know how long I will go with it, because I think he is a bit too nice for me. He's very christian and he doesn't cuss. I didn't even know how to begin to approach the blog. The truth is, he is probably a lot more open minded than I am giving him credit for, but he's a Sunday school teacher and I am just concerned that my true being will offend his sensibilities. So, we will see where that goes.
That was the ONE good one. I hung out with another guy. I don't even want to go into it. He is the thing about New England that really gets me. The men here can be so high maintenance. Seriously, they are a bit hard to swallow. No pun intended. This dude's dick would never come anywhere near my mouth. He was cute, so I might rub up against him for a minute or let him go down on me, but I wouldn't think twice about denying him sex or head. It's my prerogative. Dude was a Grade A prick. He took attempts at being funny to a level of just being rude, not to mention he has a girlfriend. I need him to just sit down.
Then, there was That Guy Part 2. This one didn't get past a phone conversation. Thank God. Can I just say that there is a difference between being a confident man and just attempting to make people feel inferior. That doesn't read as confidence. It reads as assholery. If I ask where you are from and you tell me to chill with the 20 questions, you can go sit down, too. We are done here. I don't have to have an intellectual tennis match with you on the first phone call. I know I am smart. You will be able to see it and if you are smart, I will find out soon enough as well. And if you aren't that smart, just work on being nice. Nice is a good quality too. I don't go for the jerks. Some might, but I do not.
Things started looking up yesterday. I will let you guys know how it goes. I have some positive prospects. In the meantime, I am going to steer clear of the guys that want to compete with me and prove they are smarter. It's not going to happen buddy. I don't mind witty banter or some light hearted joking. Todd was really good at that and I enjoyed it. But if you aren't as smooth as Todd, don't try it. You just come off as trying to compete with me. I don't compete with dudes. I prefer to join forces and see what kind of shit we can do together. But, maybe that's just me.
Subscribe to:
Posts (Atom)
About Me
- Poly Amory
- I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.