Saturday, July 9, 2011

Advice

As I sit here with my best friend, reading sex and dating advice columns, one response keeps ringing loudly in my head ... "BULLSHIT!" What is with this blanket advice? Are we living in a world of Barbie and Ken, still? Do we really believe that some lonely person sitting in front of a computer somewhere far away really knows what ALL men and women are thinking, feeling and going through?

I know what you are thinking ... "Aren't you a lonely person sitting in front of a computer?" Yes. Yes I am. The difference is, I don't claim to know what is best for anyone. Not even me. I am merely sharing my journey of exploration. I don't claim to know the universal ways of dating. Anyone that does is a liar. And they are, most likely, trying to sell you something.

We live in a world of affirmations. Close your eyes long enough and tell yourself something long enough and it will become your truth. I say open your eyes. Look around. Take a good look at it. That's your truth. It's right there in front of you. Your truth is all around you. And the things you are being told will make you happy in the future, by someone that does not even know you ... Those things may very well be a lie for you. Don't follow someone else's truth in hopes that it will make your future look more like it "should."

I can't tell you what you should be doing. If you are single, then I guess you should be single right now. But, you can't will something into existence with your eyes closed. If you have a partner that is cheating, then maybe at this moment in your life, there isn't a right or a wrong. But you won't see any of it with your eyes closed in the fetal position looking for how things "should be." How they should be doesn't really matter. This is how they are. How do you make that look good? How do you enjoy the moment and enjoy your life?

I know we don't want to think about it, but you could die today. Do you really want to spend your life preparing for tomorrow? I don't mean to say that you shouldn't make smart decisions or be prepared for your future. Only that your entire life shouldn't be a struggle of trying to meet societal expectations and your life isn't a means to an end. And the only people that can help you answer questions about yourself are you and the people that actually know you. But, no one can tell you what you should and should not be doing. Or where you should or should not be in life.

We spend our lives preparing for the next step. Preparing for our glorious future. But, what about right now? How do you feel right now? If you feel good, feel it, sing, dance around. If you feel bad, feel that and listen to yourself. But do it with your eyes open. See yourself as you are and love that. But most importantly, don't listen to me or anyone else talk about the way things should be. Just live, love yourself for who you are and enjoy the moment every once in a while. Instead of trying to build a perfect future, realize that you are living in the perfect present.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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