- The Positions - My ass on a counter in a train changing room. He was standing in front of me, on his knees giving me head to start. Then, we had sex with my back pressed against the mirror, hips slid forward to the front of the counter. Afterwards, he picked me up and moved me to the sink because it was oddly high. This is where he went down on me again. He came from Dallas to Houston to visit me once last summer. We had sex all over his hotel room. He picked me up, I rode him and he hit it from behind standing. I really found my orgasm with him. He was great in bed. I still stand behind the fact that he was the best yet.
- The Present - He still calls and texts. He says he wants to be with me. He's said that for the entire year. I tell him I'm not in a place to be with anyone. But, I never fully cut it off. Part of me really cares about him. I think it's my vagina.
- The Future/Fantasy - I want to see him again. I think I will. Ideally we will have sex for days, until I'm sore. It's best with him on top. He's got all his power in that position and he's very strong. He's in his late 30s, early 40s and he's perfected his movement. We are a good fit, physically. But, I would never be with him.
- The Positions - Lewis and I had polite sex. We were always destined to be friends. The sex was fun, but we were never overridden with passion.
- The Present - We're good friends. Nothing more. There will never be anything romantic or sexual between us again.
- The Future/NO Fantasies - We will be friends forever. Nothing more. He's like a Ken Doll to me, now ... smooth down there.
- The Positions - Yes! There weren't many. I gave him head while sitting on his couch, as he stood in front of me. I love giving this man head. Love it. He has the best dick. I don't know what it is. His body is amazing. He's tall and strong. We had sex a few times: missionary, doggie style. But, the head. I love kissing his body and feeling him in the back of my throat. I've said head way too many times. But let it be known. I love having this man in my mouth.
- The Present - Lately, it's been hard to get him off my mind. I've been thinking about him a lot. We had a little moment of disagreement (sort of). Then, we didn't speak for a few months. But, he hit me up when I got back to town and I am sure I will see him again soon.
- The Future/Fantasy - I texted him last weekend that I needed to see him soon. I do. I want to be on my knees in his bedroom. I want to feel his body. This is one man that I like being intimate with. But it's all false. I can kiss his body and touch him and get lost in the moment with him inside me. And the reality of it is, there is nothing there. Nothing at all. I have no idea what he's thinking and I never will. But I know how he feels ... and I guess that's really all that matters with us. But, I do love the farce that we have created.
- The Positions - He had a gigantic penis. I think he might have the biggest penis in the world. And his body was unbelievable. We had sex once. And we had sex all night. We did it every way we could. Honestly, I remember that it was pretty good. But, I don't remember much else. It wasn't great. I had been drinking a little, but not a lot. But, I hit some weed with him, so that night was lost to the goodness of the herb. I do know that weed makes me wet and I definitely get more randy (I hate the word horny)... So, I am sure it was great. But, I don't remember.
- The Present - There isn't one. This is one of the few men that I never talk to. Never really talked to him after that night. Not sure why, but I never really cared why. But that dick. Man. HUGE!
- The Future/Fantasy - The future probably looks a lot like the present. I won't talk to him. If I run into him, I will say hello. If he were to text or call, I might even agree to see him. But, I wouldn't contact him and I don't expect to ever see him again. But that dick, though. Yeah ... Big. I may let his penis (and him) make a cameo in tonight's self-love session fantasy.
- The Positi ... You know what .. No. I don't even want to talk about Todd. The sex was weird. The communication was weird. I hate to say it, but if he reads this blog, that's weird too. So, I'll just say it. Todd was too weird for me to wrap my brain around. I liked him, but he made me feel like shit. So, fuck Todd. Next!
- The Positions - We did all kinds of things. He's probably the second best behind Train Guy. They actually remind me a lot of each other. They are both athletes. Simple men. Sweet and very well built. Strong guys with similar builds. But, the thing that stood out most about The Player was he was great with his hands. Like oddly great with his hands. When he had his fingers inside me, I'm not sure what he was doing, but it was one of the best things I've ever felt. His head was amazing too. And, in my belief, if you aren't using your hands, you are only half-way giving me head. He taught me what good head was. And he taught me that fingering isn't just for high school! Bless him.
- The Present & The Future - I can just combine these two. He has a girlfriend now and I congratulated him on that and don't expect to talk to him again. I wish him the best. I would have never wanted to be with him. Pretty sure the last time we had sex he tried to impregnate me. I took the morning after pill. He also might have injured me. But it was all done in the act of sex, so no harm, no foul. That was over 6 months ago. I've had all my STD tests and I'm clean as a whistle. I wish him the best and I hope, for the sake of my body, he stays in his relationship, stays happy and away from me.
Just click the hyperlink above. He hated that I wrote about him, so I won't write more. But, it was fantastic. Just read what I already wrote. He's amazing. Sorry, sir. I won't write any more. You were great in bed, though... really. Great lay, with all due respect, of course.
- The Positions - This guy was so hard to get into the sack. I mean, not really. We started out just chilling in my bed. But, it always seemed like he was saving himself. I mean, we always had sex, but it just took more. He was a tease. That's the word. Or is it? He played hard to get. That's it. This one liked to play hard to get. As far as the sex goes, I liked him. I liked him a lot. It was like making love. I've always had a really good feeling about him. If he didn't live in New England, we'd still see each other occasionally. He's good people. The sex was good, because there was a lot of feeling.
- The Present - We tweet each other. He lives far away and I still love him with all my heart. So, I tweet him. That's all 'all my heart' has to give someone that lives across the country.
- The Future - I hope he visits me one day, so I can hug him for hours. He's really that sweet y'all. You would all love him. He's great.
- The Position - Missionary and with me on my stomach, legs together. We knew exactly how to make each other come. Our sex, was overall the best I have ever had. It was mutual though. I know I said Train Guy was the best, and he was if you take sex and suck out all the passion and emotion. If you are just animals that are pleasing each other, then Train Guy wins. But, If you overload it with emotion and passion, talking and kissing, then no one has ever come close to Marlon. He was the best. We were the best together.
- There is no present or future with Marlon. Because, as soon as I moved away from New England, that fucker (that said we would always talk) stopped returning my texts. This dude uses the powers of his dick for evil. I hate Marlon because he's like me. That charming magic dick having ... Ugh. From the moment he was inside me, my vagina felt like it was on fire ... in a good way. It's hard to explain. He was brilliant and he had the best dick. It was so thick and wonderful, I actually thought I was in love with him. For the months that I knew Marlon, I thought I was in love with him. I really did. Having him inside me and his lips on mine was one of the greatest things I have ever felt. So, yeah, fuck Marlon. He's like a magic-dick-spell casting witch. I hope he reads this. I might email him the link to make sure. Fucking beautiful, wonderful asshole. I haven't thought about him in months and I wish I had just glossed over him. I hate angry masturbation.
- The Positions - We did it on the dresser. He picked me up. We did it doggie style. We did it missionary. We did it with me on my stomach and my legs together. We did it all kinds of ways. It was a lot like having sex with your boyfriend. Well, not your boyfriend. But a boyfriend. We talked a lot and the sex was fine. It was just fine.
- The Present - We're friends. Not much to say about it. He was cool. Still is. We're friends.
- The Future - We'll fade. We aren't real friends. We are just friends until one of us meets someone else. We text occasionally, but as soon as it fades, neither of us will really care. It was fun tho. He's sweet.
- The Positions - Drunk. And awesome. James is a man that I am beyond comfortable with. I got drunk with James. Like really drunk. I've cried to him. I let him video me giving him head. That's love. I can say this with all truth in the world. I love James. I talk to him daily. He's one of my best friends. I don't even know how it happened. I adore this man. That's our present, our past and our future. He is just a great person. The sweetest man on Earth. He's just a good man. And the sex was great. Always fun and playful, while managing to still be hot. And he has the prettiest penis I have ever seen. It's just really beautiful. It's big and it gets really hard. It's just great. Everything about this man is great. I want to buy a ticket to go see him right now. He's one of the best men I know. Did I say he's great? He is.
- The Positions - Well, there haven't been any. Not in real life. He and I have still never had sex. I talk to this man every day. He's perfect for me. He's everything I want in a man. But, he still lives in New England. And I have no plans to move back up there. We Skype, text and talk all the time. It's like a fantasy that will always be there, until it's not. It's the closest I can get to any real emotional commitment and that tells me something. The man I choose to fall for lives over a thousand miles away. And, we'll probably never touch each other. But, I have a weak place in my soul for this man. If he asked me to fly up, marry him and have his kids, I would probably do it. Even though it's an awful idea. We've never had sex, but I have no doubt that it would be great. I don't know what it is. Since I first laid eyes on him, I have called him my dream man. He sent me a text tonight that said "I love you." I don't know if he was joking. He says he wasn't. But, it hit me hard. It made me sad, because I want to love him. I don't know him well enough. But, when he talks about his job, about his friends, about fishing, about anything, he just seems so kind and wonderful. I wish with every part of myself that he was here or I was there. That's the fantasy of it. I can think he is perfect, I guess. It feels more real than that, but when I think about it logically, I guess it's just me loving in a dream, because that's easier than loving in reality.
I don't know what to tell you guys. My dream man is a farce. My intimacy is made up and I am no closer to a relationship or settling down now than I was a year ago. But, I'm okay with that. That's not what this was about. This was a journey I was taking with myself and it's been fantastic. I am glad you guys came with me. This was so much less lonely than it could have been. And sharing the ins-and-outs (so to speak) of my sexual experiences was all the intimacy I need right now. I love you all. And, most importantly, I love myself. Through all of my mistakes, all of the rejection I have felt over the past year, I have been given the allowance to be human. I am allowed to make those mistakes and own them and keep moving.
We are all just trying to make it. I say, do more. Enjoy life. Don't just make it through. Embrace it and embrace all the aspects of yourself. For me, this past year has been about embracing a part of myself that I had always been made to feel ashamed about. I used to think that my sexuality made me different and unhealthy, but through sharing my stories, I realize one important thing ... I am just like most of you all, and ... Y'all are some freaks. Embrace it, people. We all love sex. It's just good stuff. So, I raise my glass to another year of exploration, safety, love and acceptance. Thank you all so very much. Happy reading.