Friday, November 5, 2010

The Repeat Offender

It's time to share ... again ... with you ... my current dating state.  It's not too terribly exciting, but fulfilling, nonetheless.   I have been talking to a guy that lives nearby, but I am fairly sure he wants more than I can offer at this point in life.  And, considering the fact that we haven't even been out on a date, I am pretty sure that he is moving faster than I know how to move.  I am getting slower in my old age.  Not sure how that's going to work out for me, but it is what it is.

So, there's that.  The guy that is perfectly wonderful wants to take me to Boston and is attentive and nice.  The trouble is he's into me without knowing who I really am.  The pressure is too much.  And, I don't have the same vigor and enthusiasm to offer.  I could keep talking to him and keep going with it, but it wouldn't be fair.

Aside from that, there is still The Powerful One.  I haven't seen him again since we first met.  We have texted occasionally and we have talked about maybe getting together this coming week.  We'll see where that goes.  I will keep you guys updated.  I've been sick for about 6 days, so I haven't been interested in seeing anyone.

That having been said, I am in a new pickle.  I have told you guys that I haven't had any repeat offenders up here in New England.  Meaning: I haven't been out with, slept with or hung out with the same man twice.  I don't know what it is.  I don't put much effort into making it happen.  And there is always the simple element of disinterest, both on their part and mine.  So, there has been plenty of disinterest floating around.  However, there is one guy that I really wanted to see again after I saw him the first time.  I don't think I told you guys about him.  But, at this point, even I am confused about who I have and have not mentioned. I try to mention all worth mentioning, but there is an element of privacy that even a tell-all queen needs to maintain. Well, either way, here he is.  We'll call him The Repeat Offender.

He's really the only person I have had any sort of real crush on up here.  He reminds me of my friends back home.  He's funny.  If he were part of my group of friends, he would totally be the one I had a crush on.  But, he's not.  This is the trouble ... He's not a friend.  I'm not one of his friends, I am a chick he met on a dating site.  There was nothing organic about the way we met.  The most interesting thing about our first contact was that we messaged each other at the exact same time.  That's sort of special, I guess. Right? ... In a grasping at straws kinda way??? No?

And our first "meeting" was interesting.  It was nice.  We ate Taco Bell, drank cheap beer and didn't have sex.  That makes us friends, right?  Have you caught on yet?  Do you see the trouble here?  I want to be his friend.  I want to like him as a person and I want him to like me.  He makes me laugh.  I am okay with him talking to my friends.  I have no problem bringing him into my house before my housemates have gone to sleep.  I want him to think about me in a way that I haven't really cared about up here.  I want him to get over the crush he has on his friend and have a crush on me.  I even sent him an overly emotional text when he blew me off one night.  We didn't talk for a while, then last night, he came over.  Hence, The Repeat Offender.  He's the first New Englander I have seen twice.

We went to dinner and had a really nice time. We walked around my town and joked.  Then, he came back to my house and after introducing him to some of my friends, we came up to my room and one thing led to another. We watched The Office and he made me laugh more.  More trouble in 5 ... 4 ... 3 ... 2 ... I like him.  But, I don't dare to even wonder if he likes me or not.  In realizing all of this, I realized something else.  I am finally over my ex.  And, as I lay here tonight with nothing but my computer, my vibrator and a Red Stripe to keep me warm,  I am happy with me.  I am happy being alone.  I am okay with dating less.  I am happy with my life.  But now, I have gone and fucked it up with a crush.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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