I have come a long way since I started this blog four short months ago. I started the blog with a broad, general goal set. I didn't want to become any specific person. I didn't want to accomplish any specific goal. I just wanted to grow. I wanted to become more honest and understand what it feels like to be confident in the truth. I wanted to grow as a sexual being and to be able to own my sexuality. I also wanted to get to know the opposite sex a bit better.
I wanted to understand myself. I had thoughts and urges and I had been programmed to think that they were dirty or unnatural. It wasn't just outside influence that had led me to think this way. I drank the KoolAid. I passed judgments on women and I passed judgments on myself. That's all gone. I have a new view on sex, sexuality and femininity.
When I started sharing, I wanted to see life, love and sexuality without the goals of a relationship or monogamy. I didn't really have any view on relationships. I just knew they hadn't been working for me. I was missing the forest for the trees. I had been in and out of relationships with no success. Once I stepped back, I found myself wondering what I had been doing for the past year or two of my life. I was altering who I was and what I wanted to fit the relationship, instead of taking the time to find a relationship that fit me.
I think my take on relationships is frequently misunderstood or I have done a piss poor job at articulating my thoughts. Most likely, I just didn't understand how I felt. I find that guys tend to think that I am avidly against being in a relationship. This is not the case. I have nothing against relationships. I frequently find myself longing for a partner. The difference in me now and me a year ago is this: I now realize that it is a want and not a need. This mindset allows me to be more selective and create higher quality bonds with people. I realize that some of the situations I enter into are just for momentary glory and others have a potential to last. This allows me to be honest and open with my lovers. If I have a higher level of self awareness, I can keep it on the level with the men I am seeing/sleeping with.
At the present, I am in a strange place. I still want to meet the right person. I want to have that connection, but I am not done exploring my sexuality. Simply put, I still want to sleep around. However, I don't see that changing. I think it's the natural human condition to want diversity in our sex lives. The thing is, my idea of a relationship doesn't allow for that. If I meet a person that is worth it, I will happily give up my trysts and start my sexual exploration with one person. I miss the comfort of being totally open with one person and the ability to ask for wants and try new things in a trusting, loving environment. There is a lot to be said for that exploration, as well. For now, I will be focusing on loving myself and exploring my sexuality with a plethora of attractive men.
- Poly Amory
- I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
- ► 2011 (78)
- This Is What I Meant
- Online Dating Is Killing My Soul
- Sex With Your Boyfriend ...
- Mixed Messages
- Thanksgiving Alone
- Dos And Don'ts
- The Tale Of Marlon or: ... Part 2
- The Tale Of Marlon or: ...
- An End To Pretexts
- Shameless Plug
- Good Dates And Other Things
- How Long?
- The Repeat Offender
- ▼ November (19)