Monday, November 29, 2010

Online Dating Is Killing My Soul

It started off so good.  I met The Beautiful One online. I had a summer full of fun dates.  They were a combination of friends of friends, Facebook hook ups (remember, Lewis was a Facebook hook up turned summer romance) and choice candidates from online dating sites.  It was like a magical blend of eligible men.  But lately, I have had to resort to dating solely online.  This isn't good.

In the beginning, it was beautiful.  I would get dressed up and go out with men.  We would go out to eat or just go chill.  The conversation was good.  The sex was good and wholesome.  I got on a bus and rode into downtown to meet The Beautiful One and it was great.  It could have been seedy or strange, but it wasn't.  He was a gentleman.  He was polite and he was gorgeous.  The sex was wonderful and the perfect combination of hot and gentle.  He even took me to the airport when I left to come up here.  He was just one (the best) of many good experiences.  

I experienced some lulls.  Nothing big, just no good candidates.  In this time, I would just chill with the guys I had already formed relationships with.  It was pretty good, even when it was bad.  Even since I have gotten up here, I have had some good dates and good experiences.  I have made a really good friend and I have had some good sex.  But, in the past two weeks, I have had some shifts in luck and things went terribly wrong somewhere.  

There was the whole spit in the mouth request thing.  I'm still not ready to talk about that. Then, this past weekend, a man came all the way from Boston (a 2 hour drive) to explain that he was prone to worrying ... oh and he was possibly going to lose his job for blowing off work to come out.  Then he decided he should just go back home, after staring at me for long periods at a time without saying anything.  And by "me," I mean my breasts.  Dude was nice enough on the phone and on chat and he was cute.  Very cute, actually.  But dude was creepy.  He paced in my room for about 20 minutes while deciding if he was going to drive back to Boston and save his job or stay and creep me out for the weekend.  It might have gotten better if he had been here longer, but I was glad he just decided to head out.  His 3 hour visit was long enough.  I explained the rest of the weekend to you guys already.  

I'm just not having the best luck on the dating scene.  So, as I have told you already, I am going to step back and evaluate my situation.  In my first two years here, I didn't date.  The only time I had sex was when I went home and had unhealthy hook-ups with my ex.  But for months at a time, I was solo and I was just fine with it.  I would say that since I have been going out up here, I am a bit calmer.  It's easier to roll with the punches when you are getting laid regularly, but it's not worth the strange mishaps.  

The trouble with online dating is, you pick men based off of what they want to portray to you.  If a guy is socially awkward, he's not going to put that.  He's going to put up pics of him doing cool shit and say that he is "the nicest, most laid back guy you will meet."  Online dating is all about self promotion.  A guy isn't going to put that he wants you to spit in his mouth, he'll put that he is concerned with the environment and loves puppies.  No one tells you on a dating site that if they are 20 minutes late on their meds, they might pace in your room for an hour.  They check mixed race, because they are a mix of French and Dutch on their mama's side and Irish on their dad's side.  They say they are 5'11" and show up at a striking 5'6".  You have to trust total strangers and sometimes, they lead you astray. 

So, you miss out on the flirtation that makes you forget that a dude is an inch shorter than you.  You pay attention to numbers on a sidebar, carefully selected photos and a list of attributes that only a dude's mom would see in him.  Like I said, some of the guys are great.  But, for the most part, you are just blindly clicking photos, that end up not looking like the guy at all.  Then you end up sitting through a movie with a guy you have no interest in and hoping that he doesn't ask you to dinner after.  Or, in extreme cases you end up completely sober, with a dude on your floor that got too drunk to drive home.  I'm not proud to say it, but I even had sex with this guy that was so bland it was like masturbating with a human.  

So, online dating isn't cutting it anymore.  I need real adult outings with real human beings.  I need to be out with real friends in an environment I know.  I need the comfort of running into people that I have known for years and the safety net of having people to call if I get in a pinch.  My options are so limited here, I am casting too wide of a net.  So, I am drawing the net in.  My friends can hold me to this.  The Serial Dater will be dating a lot less.  That is until late December when I fly back to my Mecca.  That's right folks.  I am going back to Houston.  With all good fortune, The Beautiful One will pick me from the same airport he dropped me at three months ago.  I'm sure I will chill with Lewis (no sex, we're just friends now), but even if I only see the two of them, my heart, mind and body will be happy.  

1 comment:

  1. I'm starting to get PTSD from reading/hearing about dude w/the spiting...I can't even type the rest. U gotta put that behind U. Get off that "road", as a matter of fact, U should get out of that part of town. U know where it's headed.
    Still, very funny and some great observations. It's good that U R willing to let your bad experiences help other women avoid them.


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.