Tuesday, November 23, 2010

Dos And Don'ts

It was bound to happen.  I have been on a good number of dates.  I have had amazing experiences.  Some have been mind altering, some just an all out good time.  Some have been sweet and affectionate, while others have left me feeling a bit cold.  They have had their fair share of interesting characters.  Some have left me satisfied.  Some have left me confused.  Others haven't left at all, and instead, continue to make my life better than it was before they were here... eh hem ... Lewis, The Beautiful One, Marlon, and The Good Date.  Actually, I would like to take this moment to give props to The Good Date.  We have become fast friends.  We text all day and talk about life, crack jokes and I confide in him.  He's one of my new favorite people.

Okay, so there are good and bad things that come along with dating.  There are good and bad things to do on a date.  These things vary from person to person.  Different people like different things.  Well, we all know I like to share the things I like and dislike.  This is a compilation of real life occurrences that made me smile, roll my eyes, weak at the knees and sick to my stomach.  Here goes...

The Dos

  1. Compliment me in a sincere, honest manner.  If something strikes you about me, let me know.  I will do the same.
  2. I am a tall woman.  I am physically fit.  I can open a door, but I like to have them opened for me. This doesn't mean I'm not a feminist.  It means I like the extra care a man can give a woman.  If you need a napkin, I will hand you one.  If I get to the door first, I will open it for you.  Just do nice little things for me.  They are small, but they will show that we are considerate and attentive toward each other. 
  3. Attempt to kiss me before you attempt to have sex with me.  It's not exactly baby steps.  And, it's new.  If you are reading this and we have had sex without kissing, that is probably my bad.  I was having some intimacy issues for a while there and I didn't really want to kiss.  That's changed.  I want intimacy.  I want kisses. 
  4. Go down on me.  Whenever, wherever.  If you're feeling it, give it a go.  If we're out to dinner or at the gym, I might say no, but it's worth a try.
  5. Stay the night if we have sex.  If I liked you enough to share my body with you, I like you enough to share my bed with you for the night.  I've only had one man leave after sex in a very very long time, but some guys seem apprehensive about asking to stay the night.  If I don't offer, it just slipped my mind, or I assumed you would.  
  6. Make an attempt.  If we see each other repeatedly, try to make me feel special ... take me out or go out with me, at least.  This was my only complaint about Lewis.  It hurt me that we didn't ever go out.  It made me think (and I still think this today) that he was ashamed of me in some way or just didn't think I was worth the effort. So, just change it up every now and then.  I'm not asking you to spend money.  Let's just do something different. 
The Don'ts
  1. If you do stay the night, don't talk my ear off.  If we are having a good conversation and going in and out of sex and having a nice time, that's natural.  If you are talking about yourself or you feel the urge to convince me that The Illuminati is real.  This is not the time or the place.  There's not really a time or a place, but this is definitely NOT it.  
  2. Don't spend the evening texting other women.  If you do it, do it discreetly.  I don't care if you are dating other women.  That is more than okay.  But don't arrange your other dates while laying in my bed or sitting at the table with me and DEFINITELY don't tell me about the arrangements after.  This makes me feel like I am not special enough to occupy an evening of your time and it is tacky.  
  3. Don't tell me about how much of a "bitch" your ex, your mother, your sister or any other woman in your life is.  This just gives me a window into the future.  I don't want to be the next "bitch" in your life, Mr. Angry Man.
  4. Don't ask me if I have a friend for you cousin/brother/co-worker/homeboy.  Our first date should be a chance for us to get to know each other, not for me to supply your family and friends with ass.  Last I checked, it didn't say Madame Jehn above my door.  I get mine... Imma need Ray-Ray to get his.  
  5. Don't ask me to spit in your mouth.  Yeah ... I don't want to talk about it. 
  6. Don't tell me you want to hang out again and make fake attempts at getting together if you just wanted one night of sex.  It's fine.  Just don't waste my time or mislead me.
  7. Don't lie to me.  That's all.  I'm a big girl and I like to make my own decisions.
  8. Don't get drunk on our date.  Accidents do happen and we should be comfortable enough to allow them to happen.  But if you know you have a problem, refrain.  Don't get shitty every time I see you. 
  9. Don't throw a beer can in my yard.
  10. Don't roll up smelling like cigarettes and armpit.  I will look nice and I will smell nice.  Please do the same. 
I am sure there are more, but this will have to do for now.  Writing the don'ts was bringing back bad memories.  Well kids, here are some basics.  I would like to hear back from you on your experiences and your Dos and Don'ts. Email me @ Poly.Amory00@gmail.com or just leave your comments below.  

1 comment:

  1. This is so dead on! I don't expect forever but can you be a gentlemen and show a girl some respect for the duration of time you are with her?


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.