Okay. Here it is ... The eternal question of absurdity ... How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after the first date? How long do you wait before calling or texting someone after you have had sex for the first time? Who sets the rules and who actually follows? What is wrong with just being flirtatious or being open?
It's totally possible that after having sex, or meeting for the first time, you might not like a person. They might not like you. It doesn't mean anything about the other person, it doesn't mean anything about you. It just means one of you didn't click with the other. This can be tough on the pride. It can definitely be a blow to the ego. What it should not be is cloaked in mystery around whether the person actually likes you or whether they are following some arbitrary set of rules. The room for question shouldn't be so vast or confusing.
I mean, I get it. People don't want to open themselves up for rejection. Or, they don't want to get themselves involved in something too quickly and they want to keep a safety buffer. That's fine. What is not fine is this act of devising a method and formula of deception and dishonesty to create that buffer. Nothing says "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or a commitment this quickly," like "I thought you were really cool, but I am just not looking for a relationship or commitment this quickly." A great way to say "let's take some time," is by simply saying it. Not creating an algebraic equation of when to return a text.
I think honesty is the best policy. If you don't like someone, if you didn't click, just tell them. But, on the flip side, nothing really says "I did not dig you" like never calling or returning a text. That is a different story. That is pretty clear. You don't need some asshole to write you a book on it. I have to admit, I am guilty of the clean cut. That having been said, don't make someone think they are getting the clean cut, then call them back two weeks later and say that wasn't the case. This just makes you a fucker.
*Side note - If you think this post was written with you in mind, you are probably right. But, it's not passive aggressive, because I have said it to your face, as well. Plus, you knew I wrote this blog when you decided to put your "P" in my "V" and act like a fucker afterward. Alls fair. I knew you might act like a confused marmoset again and you knew I might write about your penis.
Also, if we didn't have a talk that sounded strikingly similar to this post, it's not you. Give me a call. We're probably still cool.
- Poly Amory
- I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
- ► 2011 (78)
- This Is What I Meant
- Online Dating Is Killing My Soul
- Sex With Your Boyfriend ...
- Mixed Messages
- Thanksgiving Alone
- Dos And Don'ts
- The Tale Of Marlon or: ... Part 2
- The Tale Of Marlon or: ...
- An End To Pretexts
- Shameless Plug
- Good Dates And Other Things
- How Long?
- The Repeat Offender
- ▼ November (19)