Sunday, November 7, 2010

Cold

The temperature is in the 30s at night in my neck of the woods.  My bed is comfortable, but keeping it at a comfortable temperature (somewhere between sweat and bone chilling) is not an easy task.  I thought dating would take care of that for me.  I thought I would come back up here and start dating a few men and get a small pool of lovers like I had back home.  They would alternate from weekend to weekend and I would have a warm body to curl up next to at night.

That has not been the case.  Back home I had warm bodies.  I had lovers.  I had friends with which I had sex.  Here, it's stranger after stranger.  I like diversity in my lovers.  I enjoy variety, but I don't like sharing my bed with a series of strangers, each of which I will never see again.  And each of these strangers has left my bed colder than when they entered it.  Not only do they not return, not only is there no friendship, I don't want them to return.  I don't want to manufacture something out of nothing.

I don't want a commitment and I don't want monogamy, but I don't want the endless stream of strangers either.  I want the great sex I was having back home.  I want sex that is worth my time.  I enjoyed my night with The Powerful One.  I enjoyed my night with the football player.  Those were cases of good, hot, passionate sex.  Everything else has been forced and not worth the time spent.  There is the one that I liked, but after we had sex, he didn't call me again.  It was just 3 nights ago, so I won't jump the gun, but 3 days is a long time to not even drop a text.  It is what it is.  But, that left me feeling even colder.  I am not looking for an endless stream of strangers and I am not looking to be misled.  I don't mind sex for the sake of sex, but I do mind feeling like there is something more, when there isn't.

I have been talking to a guy from home.  He's the king of the "hot, passionate sex" men.  I haven't mentioned him before.  Actually, I haven't talked to him in years.  But he resurfaced and at the perfect time.  So, for now, he's my comfortable temperature.  We exchange texts every once in a while and they are just hot enough to keep me going.  At night, I curl up in bed, alone and I think of getting back home and sharing a bed with him.  For the next few days, my life will consist of texting him, working out, taking photos, studying and curling up at night to think of him.  It's perfect.

Then, on Thursday, I have a date.  I don't foresee it going anywhere.  His suggestion was that we grab a drink, have dinner and make out.  That sounds great to me.  But, on Friday, if all goes as planned, I will be meeting someone I have talked to since I got back here.  We talk a lot and he has proven to be a friend.  He's driving in from another city, so he'll have to stay the night.  We'll see where that goes.  I'll keep you guys abreast on any new twists in the story.  Have a good week, folks.

No comments:

Post a Comment

About Me

My photo
I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
There was an error in this gadget