I'm Not New To This ...

I am back in New England.  I have been back almost 3 days and I definitely hit the ground running.  Not really ... I hit the ground sleeping, because The Beautiful One put it on me the night before my flight.  But, that's neither here nor there.  The point is I had dates lined up before I ever boarded the plane in Houston.

I have not ever dated anyone in my 2 years here in New England.  Shocking, I know.  I generally save my dating for Houston.  Like I have said, I love the Houston guys.  But, it was time for a change.  I can't make it through another year here denying such a big part of myself.  So, about a week before my return, I switched my online dating profiles over and started making contacts.

I had one good contact.  He actually was kind enough to pick me up from the airport when my ride bailed last minute.  That was exceptionally generous.  I think I will see him again, but I don't know how long I will go with it, because I think he is a bit too nice for me.  He's very christian and he doesn't cuss.  I didn't even know how to begin to approach the blog.   The truth is, he is probably a lot more open minded than I am giving him credit for, but he's a Sunday school teacher and I am just concerned that my true being will offend his sensibilities.  So, we will see where that goes.

That was the ONE good one.  I hung out with another guy.  I don't even want to go into it.  He is the thing about New England that really gets me.  The men here can be so high maintenance.  Seriously, they are a bit hard to swallow.  No pun intended.  This dude's dick would never come anywhere near my mouth.  He was cute, so I might rub up against him for a minute or let him go down on me, but I wouldn't think twice about denying him sex or head.  It's my prerogative.  Dude was a Grade A prick.  He took attempts at being funny to a level of just being rude, not to mention he has a girlfriend.  I need him to just sit down.

Then, there was That Guy Part 2.   This one didn't get past a phone conversation.  Thank God.  Can I just say that there is a difference between being a confident man and just attempting to make people feel inferior.  That doesn't read as confidence.  It reads as assholery.  If I ask where you are from and you tell me to chill with the 20 questions, you can go sit down, too.  We are done here.  I don't have to have an intellectual tennis match with you on the first phone call.  I know I am smart.  You will be able to see it and if you are smart, I will find out soon enough as well.  And if you aren't that smart, just work on being nice.  Nice is a good quality too.  I don't go for the jerks.  Some might, but I do not.

Things started looking up yesterday.  I will let you guys know how it goes.  I have some positive prospects.  In the meantime, I am going to steer clear of the guys that want to compete with me and prove they are smarter.  It's not going to happen buddy.  I don't mind witty banter or some light hearted joking.  Todd was really good at that and I enjoyed it.  But if you aren't as smooth as Todd, don't try it.  You just come off as trying to compete with me.  I don't compete with dudes.  I prefer to join forces and see what kind of shit we can do together.  But, maybe that's just me.

Departure - Part 3

On our first meeting, I made it known that I didn’t want to sleep with him.  I just wanted sex.  I wasn’t interested in snuggling or cuddling up to him and I didn’t want to kiss him.  He was a stranger in the emotional realm and I was so fresh out of loving someone, that I wasn’t in the mood to fake affection. 

I guess he was in the mood to challenge this or see if the earlier rules still stood.  He told me to lay back and he put his arm around me.  I was cold and he was warm as he pressed his body against mine.  I couldn’t help but breathe him in.  He was newly in love with someone else and it was almost palpable.  I could smell it on him and it smelled good.  I wanted it.  His hand slid over mine and our fingers interlocked.  Really?  We are holding hands.  Bodies intertwined, we both fell asleep.  In the night, I got up to pee and when I came back to bed, he kissed my forehead and asked if I was okay.  I felt his kiss in my stomach.  I wanted to make his children.

The affection was not faked.  I didn’t have to feign anything.  I was cold and shivered in the night and he woke me to switch sides, so I was away from the fan.  He used his warm body to block me from the fan and we fell back asleep.  As I was drifting back off, I realized that I was almost healed.  I am so much warmer than I was at the beginning of the summer.  My guard is falling slowly.  I am able to accept affection.  And, I am in a new place.  I am truly having feelings for multiple people.  I am tired of hard sex.  I like it rough some times, but I want warmth. 

He woke hard at 4am and he got on top of me and entered me.  Normally it takes me a while to get warmed up in the morning.  Not this morning.  I was wet instantly and cumming within minutes.  It was  intense, hard and amazing.  After I had finished, he slowed his pace and pulled out of me, still hard.  He smacked me on the thigh and said “That’s all we have time for.  I could go all morning and we have to get you to the airport.  All’s fair.  I came and now, you came too.”  Are you serious?  He just got up and got dressed and I laid there in shock. 

He gave me an orgasm and got me to the airport on time.  He unloaded my bags at the curbside check-in and gave me a hug.  “Keep in touch, okay?”  Damn straight I will keep in touch. I’m not in love with The Beautiful One, but damn.  I have to say I have spent the majority of this flight imagining more nights like the one we had last night.  So, with my head and the rest of me in the clouds somewhere over the Midwest, I am embracing change.  I am leaving Houston a different person than I came into it.  I’m not ready or willing to be in a relationship, but we can cuddle … ?

When my plane touched down for my layover, I texted him; “If things don’t work out with ole’ girl, you have my number.” 

Departure - Part 2

He texted when he was around the corner and Lynn and I unloaded my bags from her car.  I was ready with bags on the curb when he pulled up.  Goddamn.  Seriously, I don’t know how to reiterate that the name “The Beautiful One” is not just me being cute.  This man is 6’3” if he is an inch.  Broad shoulders, fit, but not over done.  He’s light skinned , with gorgeous eyes.  Baby daddy material.  Make me consider dropping everything, even dating.  I might have strong strong feelings for another man, but at this point in my life, those feelings  hold no more weight than the power of this guy’s smile.  For now, I didn’t want to fall in love; I just wanted to fall in lust.  And this guy is perfect for that … Or, so I thought. 

We got back to his place and he put my bag down in his bedroom.  I was so tired, I took my spot on the bed, immediately and he jumped in the shower.  I was on my stomach, writing.  When he got out of the shower, he approached the bed and ran his hand along the back of my thigh and up to my ass.  He briefly let his fingers drift between my thighs.  Then, he went to turn the lights off in the rest of the house. 

He took his place next to me in bed and browsed through his cell phone as I finished up a paragraph.  We talked for a bit.  Things flowed a lot like they did they first time we had been together. 

I found it hard to resist kissing his stomach and chest.  So, I didn’t resist.  I helped myself to his body while I had this one last chance.  It was only a matter of moments before my mouth had moved below his waistline and I was kissing him lightly.  There was a thin, yet masculine trail of hair from his stomach down. He has that indention at his hipbone.  The kind that require you open your mouth wide around it and bit lightly.  I worked my way down and kissed him softly.  I eased him into my mouth and gradually filled my mouth with him.  He grew harder against the back of my throat.  His sounds along with the way he touched me in return made me wet.  My actions relayed my level of excitement.  He asked me questions like did I like it and I moaned affirmations.  I did.  I could suck his dick every day for the rest of my life.  It’s as beautiful as the rest of him.  He tasted good, so I drank him in.  After I had completed another task well done, I jokingly patted myself on the back.

By the time I had finished him off, it was midnight, and we had to get up by four to get me to the airport. I just wanted to sleep.  But, I let it be known that at any point in the night or morning, he was more than welcome to put on a condom and enter me. 

When I laid down next to him, shit got interesting…  

Departure - Part 1

So, my final night in Houston did not turn out the way I had expected.  I was going to stay in.  My mom was going to drop me at the airport on the way to work.  I was going to get some sleep. But, that wouldn't really do the last day of summer justice, so fate took over and everything changed.  All the things that were 'supposed' to happen fell by the wayside, and as per usual, I did what I wanted.

The morning of my departure, I was doing my daily internet browse and an instant message popped up.   It was not as routine as the daily messages I normally got from him.  “Hey.  When do you leave?”  I explained that I was flying out at 6am.  “You have a ride to the airport?”  My mother was going to take me.  The questions peeked my curiosity.  He didn’t usually ask questions like this without a reason.

I thought about that.  “He didn’t usually...”  What did I know from what he usually did?  The statement was funny, because I had only met him once and yet we had talked online every day for the past 2 months.  Most of our conversations revolved around my sexual experiences with other people.  There was a definite interest in the blog, but I had first slept with him before the blog’s inception.  He and I actually first brainstormed the idea of a blog together, post-coitus.  In my brief moments of ‘knowing’ him, we had co-conspired on the birth of a blog, in which, I would talk about my sexual explorations.  Past that, we knew nothing of each other.

It only took a few lines in the chat for him to ask if I wanted to spend my last night with him and he would drop me at the airport.  I had actually thought about doing this with Lewis, but he hadn’t offered, so I didn’t broach the idea.  But, this offer was very tempting.  The only hang up was that this would be my third guy in 4 days and I was dead tired.  Meh.  Tired was just one detail of what I was and one monkey don’t stop the show.  So, ride pending, I was going to spend my last night in Houston with The Beautiful One.  God is good.  

 

I texted him saying I wasn’t coming, because I was too emotional about leaving.  He said he understood, but I should consider crying on his shoulder.  That was it.  I was going.  I said my goodbyes to my family and Lynn picked my up from my folk’s house.  He had agreed to pick me up from Lynn’s place at 10. 

Last "Official Date" Of The Summer

I went on my last official date of the summer.  Since we had such good luck on the real date front, I decided that going on my last date with Todd would be a pretty dope decision.  I was right.

There isn't a whole lot to say about it.  He was amazing.  He picked my up with two slushies from Sonic and a bottle of Ciroc.  Homemade hurricanes.  Actually, hotel made hurricanes.  Yep.  There was another hotel.  This time, it was a bit different.  We exited the freeway in a very swanky part of town and pulled in to the parking lot.  Not exactly the hourlie situated between two strip clubs.  We were taking it up a notch.  He went in and checked in and then we parked.

The room was beautiful.  I was like a kid in a candy store. It wasn't the money spent on the hotel.  The fact that it was really nice was wonderful.  The bed was comfortable and the shower was great.  But, that wasn't it.  I remembered how wonderful our time was in the hourlie.  We got along so well and it didn't matter where we were.  The idea that he went through the trouble and effort is what made me happy.  It was that he had listened to me and knew the things I wanted.  He delivers them to me as gifts and my happiness means something to him.  Whether it's him wanting me to have a hood drink before I go back to white bread New England, or making me a Sonic Hurricane in one of the nicest hotels in town, he does it for me.

After we had sex in the hotel, we headed out and had sushi, then we headed to a local arcade and played pinball until 2 in the morning.  It was great.  He's competitive and it was playful.  I don't know how to thank him for making me feel the way he makes me feel.  I hope he comes to visit and that we can get to know each other better.  That's all I really have to say about Todd.  He's someone I want to know better and spend more time with.

My Final Night In Houston

Nice To Meet You Love. You Look Nothing Like Your Pictures.

I had my 'last' night with Lewis before heading back to New England.  But, we didn't say 'goodbye,' we said 'later.' In the end, the summer romance that I had longed for was a complete success.  I got to experience romance and the freedom that comes with just enjoying someone and getting to know them, while not having expectations or limitations.  My time with Lewis was definitely my heaviest and lightest experience of the summer.

Love is Separate From Monogamy. Duh.

This has been a hard concept for me.  As I have said, it has been hard for me to decipher exactly what I am feeling for Lewis.  I realized this is pretty common for me, the only difference is I am not bringing someone else into my confusion.  I needed to figure this out on my own.  This is what I got.

I don't want Lewis to drop everything and love me.  I don't want some romantic grand gesture.  I want him to keep grinding and doing the things that he loves, because that is what makes him the man that he is.  I want him to send me silly texts every once in a while.  I don't want him to want to spend his life with me and I don't want to spend my life with him.  I got really confused when trying to write this.  The primary source was all jumbled, so I went to the secondary source.  I hit him up and we had a conversation.  It was effortless.  And that is it.  He is effortless for me.  He was there.  He was honest and he was easy.  After talking with him, I was even more clear.  Can I get an "Amen!" for a man that doesn't confuse me?

So, here it is.  I love Lewis.  I would be an asshole and a liar to say that I don't.  And it's not in the way that I have love for everyone.  It's very specific.  It's very much a love that I only have for him.  I love what he did to my life.  And it doesn't matter if he says the same or feels the same way, because it's about what he gave, not what he says or promises.  I don't need promises or words.  He gave me support, friendship and love. And, he gave it to me as I was.  This was the first time, ever, that I dealt with a man as me, without a front.  He knew the good, he knew the bad and he still drove across town to pick me up, because it was ME that he wanted.

This summer, I have been Me Raw, unrefined, no bleaches or preservatives added. And this is the important part.  This experience with Lewis taught me that the best me is just me.  I don't have to hide anything.  I don't have to compromise who I am.  I don't have to sugar coat my feelings or hide them.  I just have to be respectful and caring.  We did what I wanted to do. This romance was an introduction to what healthy relations between two adults can be.  He proved to me that it could be done.  You can have someone that just makes your life better.  I didn't lose myself in him and he didn't lose himself in me.  We found comedy and strength in each other and we supported each other.  I want lovers that enhance my life, not ones that over take it.  Romance as I knew it is dead.  This shit right here is the real.  It's practical and it's passionate all at once.

But, as I promised you guys, this isn't going to be the tale of the woman that went off alone to find herself and in her journey found a man.  I simply came across a man that helped me realize I don't need a relationship, but I do need the occasional dose of love.  So, I will continue on my journey. That's not the end of things with Lewis and me.  We will still talk.  We will continue to encourage each other and we will be friends for a long time.  This was passion at the next level.  Lewis and I turned it up to 11.  It wasn't this fire that burned hard and fast.  It wasn't a short lived romance.  This was a foundation.  It was the foundation of a great friendship and the foundation of my new way of life.

Honesty kills apprehension, it forces you to be okay with yourself and it will set you free.  Honesty forces you to really see yourself.  When you are forced to defend your actions, you have to really look at yourself and see if the things that you are doing are really okay with you.  It might hurt like hell, at first.  You might bury your face in a lot of pillows and cower under covers, but in the end, when you walk down the street or sit in your room, you do it with your head held high, because you know that the people who love you really love and accept all of you, not some picture you have painted to try to get approval, love or respect.  So, in conclusion, I would like to thank myself.  Thank you, me.  Thank you for being honest with a man and with yourself and figuring out that honesty is, in fact, the best policy.