Sunday, February 20, 2011

Be Yourself

I went on a date recently and it was worth writing about.  I won't be seeing dude again, but I had to tell you guys the story.  Here goes...

He texted midday and asked me to send him the address.  He said he could use his GPS.  This is what guys normally do.  Nothing new there.  I sent him the address and he texted that he was on his way around 8pm.  I was ready and hanging out with a friend.  At around 8:30 he called saying he was lost.  He told me where he was and he was not lost.  He was actually right on track.  All he had to do was continue to the light, make a right and then make a left at the next light. Easy as pie.  I gave him the directions and went back to hanging out.

30 minutes passed.  So, I texted him.  He called back.  He had passed the street and gone I don't know where. Okay, now he was lost.  I stayed on the phone with him for the next 30 minutes. I told him to listen to my directions, but he just kept laughing and saying "Oh man."  I had to seriously ask him if he was on drugs.  I told him the building that I was standing in front of and he drove past me twice.  Then, all of a sudden, this car comes screeching around the corner.  This must be him. Great.

Once I finally got into the car, he blamed civil engineering for his getting lost.  These roads were planned and constructed horribly.  Was he kidding? He had been driving up and down the same one street for close to an hour. How can engineering be to blame for you not listening? This is a straight line.  Not to mention the fact that many men have taken this trip before and none have gotten lost.

But, I let it go.  We made our way to the restaurant. And everything was seemingly normal.  Seemingly. But, he kept doing that laughing thing and making statements that totally didn't fit.  He was obviously trying to play it "cool."  I could see that.  But it was seriously making me want to shake him and say "Just be yourself. You're a nerd.  I get it.  You're an engineer that works all the time. Quit telling me I'm 'hip-hop' cuz I don't get what you mean and you just sound like a moron." The evening progressed and I attempted to tell him stories about my photo project or talk about life.  But, he kept saying the same tag lines. "Oh but you were too real for that." "You're so hip-hop."  "Oh but they wouldn't get it tho, cuz they aren't real hip-hop heads like me and you."  What??? What are you talking about?

He and I had met on a plane and we had talked briefly about Kanye West's new album.  It seemed like he had researched Kanye and hip-hop, in general and we would talk about nothing else for the night. Through the evening, I learned that hip-hop must somehow affect people in every way of life. And I learned that this guys one true passion in life was party promoting. He had done it a little in college and he was sort of a celebrity in his city.  I also learned that he has money.  I am sure that he is a nice guy, but I wouldn't know.  Because, all I got was this fabricated representation of what he thought cool was and a bunch of lame stories about how cool and wealthy he was.  Nothing there was genuine.

I hadn't planned on drinking.  I don't normally drink on dates, but it was necessary. He wanted to hit a bar after dinner, so I put a firm deadline on the time I needed to leave and we had a drink.  I ordered a Jameson neat and he informed me that he only drinks fruity drinks.  No biggie.  So, he ordered a mojito. We sat and talked for a bit.  Then, we had our first real discussion.  It was actually more of an argument, but the discourse was civil.  He spent the next 30 minutes trying to convince me that Scarface and Menace II Society were really great movies.  I could only give him quotable.  They are really quotable movies. But I couldn't agree that they were great cinema.  Then he said it ... Do you like Tyler Perry? Here we go.  This is the point when I stop arguing with someone about movies.  Once I find out someone likes Tyler Perry movies, I realize there is a fundamental difference in the very foundation that makes us who we are.  There is no arguing it.  We are just very different people.

After the Tyler Perry realization, he excused himself to the bar a few feet away.  I overheard him ask for a wine-cooler.  Oh lord.  Do they even make wine-coolers anymore?  The bartender had the same response.  So, he proceeded to be rude and act like they had a small selection (even though they are a full bar with about 50 different tequilas alone) because they didn't carry the choice alcoholic beverage of underage drinkers and 40 something women in 1989.   I was done.

He drove me home and I assumed the good-bye would be short and sweet.  He had already accused me of "clowning" him at the bar. And I had been one degree above ice cold since we left the bar.  So, he pulled up to my house and I told him to call if he got lost.  Then, as if in an effort to add more discomfort, he asked for a hug.  I leaned over to hug him and as if we had been on two different dates, as if we had lived in two different worlds, he tried to kiss me. No. Why? I pulled away and thanked him for the dinner, then I made my way inside.

The next day, I felt bad for being so cold.  He wasn't the guy for me, but I somehow felt like I could have been nicer.  I had just felt like I had to be stoic so he would get the idea.  Then, as I walked to class, I got a text.  He had a great time and wanted to see me again.  Then another text, "In the meantime, why don't you send me a sexy pic of yourself." Ope. There it was.  I didn't feel bad anymore. The text came across like a reprieve.  They might as well have said, "Oh, you shouldn't feel bad.  I am totally oblivious."  I just imagined him sending the text from a folding chair in the basement where he keeps his stock pile of Seagrams Berry Mist, circa 1990.  I didn't respond.  All's well that ends ... well?

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.