Wednesday, February 23, 2011


I am taking a tribal dance class. I love it.  The other day, the instructor ventured into a discussion about Kegels, the pelvic floor, vaginal strength and balance.  I contributed to the discussion, but the rest of the class sat silent. The instructor had us squat and engage our pelvic floor while doing different breathing techniques.  The point was to see how the center of gravity exists in your pelvic floor.  But, the point was lost.  Women were embarrassed.  One even said "this is awkward and kind of disgusting."

I try to stay in some sort of dance, Pilates or yoga class. Staying strong and working on balance are important parts of my life.  My vagina is another important part. And it is far from disgusting. Actually, vaginas are a very important part of most lives.  Women get joy and pleasure from their own vaginas.  Men  and women get pleasure from other's vaginas.  Most people entered the world through one. Vaginas are kind of a uniting factor in this world.  We've all had a very intimate experience with a vagina at one point or another. 

As women, once we are introduced to the vaginal muscles, once we tone them and learn about the muscle groups around the vagina, we benefit greatly. The vagina is the center of gravity.  When I start feeling wobbly in ballet or yoga, those are the first muscles I tighten.  They are the first area to which I bring my awareness.  And once I do, I am centered immediately.  The vagina is the center of the core and if you keep it engaged during dancing or a workout, you start to train the muscles around it and you find that you are stronger than you might have thought.  It is impossible to engage the vagina and pelvic floor without engaging the transverse abdominis (the lowest and deepest set of abdominal muscles.) The transverse is your powerhouse in Pilates.  In Pilates, dance and yoga, they tell you to "engage your pelvic floor" and "transverse abdoninis." But, for me, those words have just come to mean "tighten up the good stuff."

Once I started working out and keeping a heightened awareness of that goldmine between my legs, I experienced other changes in my life.  I have trained my vaginal muscles.  I used to feel spastic and out of control when I attempted to tighten them during sex or just on the occasion when I would try to do kegels.  It was a lot like a baby attempting to walk.  The muscles tightened and moved on their own.  And I had very little control over where or how to focus my energy.  But, over time, I gained control.  Now, I can tighten all of the muscles at once.  Or I can tighten them in a wave and then reverse the wave of motion.  I an even keep a beat.  Sometimes my vagina is dancing and no one knows it. I am still learning, but I have already experienced changes.  

My partners have commented on my techniques in bed, but that isn't the best part.  Sex is so much better for me.  Having control over those muscles means having greater control over my orgasms.  At this point, a good sex partner makes for an amazing experience, but if he's not so great, I can still reach orgasm vaginally almost all of the time.  This is the part that I refer to as masturbating using a man. But, the fact is, I am only a better partner because I am working to please myself.  The motion, tightening and intensity that gets me to orgasm do the same for my partner.  But, in order to get all of these benefits, I had to accept that my vagina wasn't something I had to go through life ignoring or being ashamed of.

Now, to adress this idea that vaginas are "disgusting."  It's nonsense.  If we talk about jaw muscles, no one giggles or says "mouths are disgusting." Vaginas are self-cleaning parts of our anatomy.  When taking a shower, we should do no more than lightly run some soapy water over them.  There is no reason to get in there and scrub like it's a dirty dish.  It's already doing most of the work for you.  If the pH is right, then it stays pretty fresh and clean down there.  I'm not saying you can ignore it altogether, but the overzealous cleaning (that comes with thinking its disgusting) is what throws the pH off and makes for unwanted odors.  You don't have to scrub the pussy out like it just said a dirty word. Never should a soapy finger or wash cloth enter your vagina.  Soap does not belong inside you. Contrary to popular thought, you don't have to douche or put any other foreign chemical or solution up there.  Leave the douching to the Southern rappers.  Lil Wayne can douche his pussy if he wants, but I'm gonna stick with a lil soap and some warm water.     

Another key part of ensuring a healthy, happy vagina is using a condom and making sure your partner is clean down there.  A lot of the time, vaginas are thrown off my dirty dicks.  This causes yeast and bladder infections.  Your vagina is an opening into your body and you need to treat it as such.  Make sure you use a condom and if you are in a situation where you feel you don't need condoms, make sure your partner is free of sores or cuts and make sure he's been keeping himself as clean as he wants you to be. Same goes for fingers. I am a covert genius when it comes to inspecting cocks before they enter me. And only clean, well kept fingers go inside me. 

Once we can stop being afraid to feel down there, we can engage the muscles, enjoy the pleasure and stop punishing our *lady parts.  Ladies, your vagina is a part of you.  It's there all the time.  It's not your jump off or your side chick.  You can't just pull it out and enjoy it when you wish and then tuck it back away in shame.  You're married to it.  It's not a void between your legs.  It needs care and love.  So stop treating your pussy like it's done something wrong.  Because it's probably the only part of your life that will never do you wrong. So, treat it right. 


  1. having just gone to see Vagina Monologues for the 2 or 3rd time this was great. Still not sure about my own vagina (said with a blushing face) pelvic walls and muscles around the Kegel are all foreign places to me. But this, post alone is refreshing to hear Vagina discussed openly and not in some erotic manner. LOVE this!!

  2. Your pen name really does U justice..."tighten up the good stuff." Ahsum...simply awesome.


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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.