Sunday, June 19, 2011

Overwhelmed


Serial dating is not for the faint of heart. Dating is tough enough. But when you are dating at the volume that requires the title "Serial Dater," you can quickly become overwhelmed. I enter into every date ready to be entertained in one way or another. I have gotten to a point where I rarely (probably never) enter into a date with any sort of hope for a future with the person. 

I wonder if they will be nice. I wonder if they will be funny. I wonder if they will be completely insane. I wonder how long it will take for them to start making sexual advances and if the advances will be respectful. I wonder if, once the advances have been made, I will want them in the same way they want me. 

Once we've made it through the first date, there are only a few things that can happen. Either they like me more, I like them more or we both take it for what it was and move on.  Oh, I am forgetting the other possibility that we will both like each other the same amount, we will start dating and fall in love, then we live happily ever after. I suppose I forgot that option because I have never actually seen that occur in my own dating life. So, the possibilities that I have seen leave only one final outcome; a new date with a new person. 

This is the equation that leads someone to be a serial dater. It's a series of 'failures' that lead to a series of dates. It's not about using someone or conquering. It's simply the product of something ... unknown. It's a refusal to settle. And, in the end, it's about learning. As time goes, you learn likes and dislikes. You get a little better at all the things you do and you start to become more aware of what you want. Whether that is a good or bad thing is yet to be discovered. I am still not sure if I will be able to find someone that would fit all of my likes and dislikes. So, for this reason, I try to keep my flexibility. The last thing I want is to build this idea of what I want and spend my days attempting to find that perfect man. 

Instead, I am working on being the best me I can and should someone come along that appreciates that best me, we'll see where it goes. In the meantime, I am working to strike a balance that leaves me fulfilled in my dating life, while not leaving me feeling like nothing is sacred. I want to have a good time, while recognizing the individuality and value of each person I date. This got tough for a little while, but I think the kinks are starting to iron out and I am starting to enjoy dating again. 

1 comment:

  1. Dating can certainly be a stressful and nerve racking experience. But I'm glad you have a mature approach to the experience and a open mind to whatever happens, happens.

    ReplyDelete

About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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