Sunday, June 12, 2011


When I was in Houston visiting in December, I made plans to meet a man and see a movie. Things happened and I ended up canceling. I didn't really know the guy, so I wasn't super concerned with canceling. I gave plenty of notice. It wasn't a stand up. And I didn't feel too terrible about it. But, I was kind of curious to meet him. I am still not sure what it was that made me curious. 

So, I kept his number and I stuck a mental pen in our unfulfilled date. Months passed and I thought about him again. So, I texted and told him that I would be moving back to Houston soon and if he was still interested, I would like to go on that date. That is, if he was still single. He responded. Turned out he was still single. So, I let him know that I would be home soon and that I would be in touch. 

I got back to Houston and as tired as I was of the dating scene, I decided to try to recreate the excitement I had at the beginning of last summer. It just wasn't there. I went on a couple of blah dates and tried to entertain myself. But, it just wasn't happening. However, I still wanted to meet him. We'll call him Austin. I'll explain later. And yes, he gets a name already. If you haven't figured it out yet, when and what I name the men in this blog is totally left to my discretion. There is no rhyme or reason to it. Well, there isn't a distinguishable rhyme or reason. I do have a method to my madness though. 

So, I decided that, while the dates would be fewer and farther between, I would not end them altogether. I texted Austin and we set up a date. I was going to a movie viewing in the park for a work thing and so I invited him along. However, when the day rolled around and I walked out to get into the car to go pick him up, I remembered that Texas is hotter than a witch's titty and I mentally scrapped the idea of the outdoor movie. Of course, I would run this by him and give him the option, but I was keeping my fingers crossed that he would be okay with just going for dinner and making the rest up as we went. 

I arrived at his place just a few minutes late. I had texted earlier to let him know I would be late. I woke up with some allergies, but canceling was not an option. I was pushing by being a little late. I had canceled on him and then not contacted him again for like 6 months. The fact that he was wiling to go out with me after that meant that he was either desperate or just a cool guy. 

He got in the car and he was really cute. He had freckles and a very nice smile. I was nervous, so I felt like I was acting a little less naturally than normal. But, he was nice and funny, so I loosened up pretty quickly. Actually, it got rather relaxed rather quickly. He was cool with skipping the movie and grabbing something to eat, then figuring out what to do from there. 

We tossed around a couple ideas of where to eat. And, in the end, decided on a caribbean spot in my old neighborhood. We both enjoyed the food and the conversation was natural and nice. I got the idea from some of his comments that he thought I was cool so far. I definitely thought he was cool. But, I did not feel that he thought I was particularly physically attractive. He made a comment that personality went a long way with him as a way of telling me that he was having a good time. Then, he went on to say that I had a unique look. I am not in the business of interpreting what people say or trying to figure out what they really meant. He said he was having a good time and that was good enough by me. We could continue our meal and enjoy our conversation. 

We did just that. Then, we set out to figure out what to do next. After making a pit stop for gas and gum, we went to a nearby coffee shop. It was a place he liked. I agreed. It was a nice spot. We spent the next two hours or so (I can't say I had track of the time at all that night) talking and laughing. We got a coffee and found a spot upstairs where we could people watch and talk. 

We talked about just about anything you could think of. We talked about exes and parents. We talked about our histories and views on relationships. We talked about siblings and friends. And, we talked a little about sex. This was the interesting part. Not just because it was about sex, but because it was a nonsexual conversation about sex. He was very contrary to what you all know my beliefs to be. He shared a pretty typical view that he would have a hard time trusting a woman that loved sex. He didn't defend this view. He actually identified it as a bit irrational, but he did share it nonetheless. I respect that. If you have a thought or view, I think it's best to own it and if you think it's slightly or overtly irrational, I think it's best to own it without defending it. I didn't ask him to defend it. I don't feel that is my place. He was open enough to share with me and I appreciated that. 

We shared a lot of viewpoints. And on the ones we didn't share, we had a respectful and playful dialogue that was kind of wonderful. The night was pretty much what I needed at that moment. I needed to just be heard and listen. From his description of the women he has been with, I got the idea that he likes thin blonds, or 'Barbie' types. I am definitely not that. But, that was okay by me. I'm okay with me. I was just glad that the conversation was organic and open. It wasn't skewed or driven by sexual energy. I was fairly sure that there would be no touching and that he would definitely not try to kiss me or touch me at any point in the evening. 

It was a first date. But, I actually felt kind of funny calling it a date at all.  It was just so comfortable. Not to say that it wasn't exciting. It was. But it was exciting and honest. That's a pretty great feeling. An open understanding and acceptance goes a long long way. So, we had more great conversation, then we decided to head out. 

As I drove him toward his house, we both decided that the night should not end yet. So, instead of taking him home, we went to a country and western bar. That was an experience in and of itself. He doesn't drink (which is a bonus for me) and I didn't really feel up to drinking anyway, so we sat back and talked and watched people dance and drink.  We stood outside and joked for a bit before deciding to head out before the partiers started pouring out. 

It was almost as if the night had been split into three dates and all of them were great. It wasn't just a date. It was an adventure. We spent the whole night getting to know each other a little and I can honestly say I am excited to get to know him better. There is definitely chemistry there. I just can't call it yet. I know I am attracted to him. But, if it doesn't take that route, I am quite sure that he and I will be friends. We have already started building a friendship. He's funny, he's smart and he's respectful. He seemed to be pretty open and honest and I need that in people in my life right now. I have no room to speculate. I just need to be told. 

I pulled up in front of his building and we started our goodbyes. We hugged and he asked when I 'reckoned' we would hang out again. But, he glossed over his own question so quickly, I didn't have a chance to answer. So, we said good bye and I drove home. As I drove home, I found myself laughing about things we had talked about and having moments of nostalgia for my home city and state. The boy is very Texan and I do like a Texas man. I'll let you guys know how it goes. It's been a long time since you've gotten a date post, but here it is. Hope it was worth the wait. It was for me. 

1 comment:

  1. Well look at that. You almost about to give up and something comes right up and knock you back out there. Sounds promising. Have fun!


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.