Wednesday, June 1, 2011


Why can't we be friends? This is why.

Because we met for the first time to go on a date. That's the beginning of why he and I can not be friends. That's not the only reason. I have been friends with men I've dated. This is not to say it cannot be done. But, this time around it isn't going down that way. 

We went on a few dates. That's no big deal. But, we've also talked on the phone or texted every day for about 5 months. These are also not the reasons we can't be friends. I talk to James and Lewis often. And we made our way comfortably to friendship. It was a natural progression. It just flowed.

Lewis and I even made a mutual agreement that friendship was the best place for us to go, because we cared about each other and we wanted to stay in each other's lives. It was our next step, because it was our next step. 

James and I started out as friends. We talked about our relationships with others. We commiserated and whined to each other. We consulted one another on conflicts and issues. It was great. It was a real friendship from Jump Street. 

This is how all of my friendships have started. They have been this mutually positive progression. They have been about respect and laughs. They are about supporting each other and uplifting one another in times of doubt or confusion. 

What they have not been are a series of consolation prizes. So, when The Maybe Boyfriend suggested we "hang out as friends" I wasn't feeling it one bit. Naw, buddy. Either these hang out sessions are called dates, or we are just hooking up. But we aren't friends. We weren't friends before we went on those few dates and we won't be friends once the dates have ended. 

Don't get me wrong. I really think he's a swell guy. I would have kept dating him. I'm not crushed he doesn't want to go on dates with me anymore. But, switching the time we spend from 'date' to 'hang out' won't happen. I have lots of friends that I can't schedule in for hang out time as it is. I don't need to add your name to the list so we can go for sushi and go dutch while you tell me your dating and work woes. I'd rather do that ish with my homegirls. 

1 comment:

  1. Like your blog! :) And I agree with this post. I have been thru this myself... If the maybe boyfriend wants to" hang out as friends" these days I just suggest that he gets himself a pet.. :) *sigh* dating.. lol!


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.