Friday, January 7, 2011

Head From A Jerk

I got this letter from a male reader earlier today.

Dear Poly,

In my younger years, I must admit, I fornicated with a few females I didn't too much like, get along with or find attractive. Not that I dog out women or just go around sleeping with ugly/mean girls, but it happens. Sometimes it was easier to get rid of a girl with a horrible sexual experience. Amongst the few that I didn't particularly care for I used novice moves such as letting one perform fellatio and exploding in her mouth a minute into it and not fucking her after she drove all the to Dallas from Corsicana to see me. My antics grew more bolder and ruthless over time from falling asleep in their mouths to holding their heads down as they take the "aftermath". Some of these antics didn't play out quite the way I wanted them to. From me receiving long letters about driving home from Dallas with the taste of cum in her mouth to some enjoying it and wanting to do it again.



I know what you are thinking.  So, before you are quick to judge this guy, here's my take on the subject.

It happens.  I have never claimed to be a queen of morality.  So, occasionally, I engage in sexual acts with people that I am less than fond of.  I always used to think that a good personality could trump anything.  In my early twenties, I used to get situated on my high horse and tell my friends that I would much rather have a nice guy than a good looking one. It's true to a certain degree. I mean I don't want to marry or have a relationship with a jerk just because his appearance makes me weak in the knees. But, I also can't marry a guy that I have nothing for physically, just because he is nice to me. Ideally, we would all want a perfect combination when it comes to picking a long-term mate.  But for those one-timers or strictly physical encounters, I will go with looks over personality any day.

When it all boils down to it, I could date an ugly guy if he has a high level of confidence and a good sense of style.  I can date a guy that has a less than attractive face if his body is great and he is funny.  Funny trumps a lot, but the fact of the matter is, if I am going to lay down (or bend over) and have truly gratifying sex with a man, he has to turn me on. I don't think one should ever have to purchase lubricant unless they are past menopause or about to engage in the fine art of Buttafuoco (which is not Italian for butt-fucking, but it should be.) If I'm attracted to a guy, I can produce my own.

There isn't a set of guidelines that make a guy attractive.  Things that I think I would never like can turn me on if a guy is awesome in other ways.  Normally, I like guys that are really tall.  I like them to be over six feet tall.  But recently, I met a guy that is considerably shorter than I am.  But, his personality, his face and his body are very attractive.  So, "short" has taken on a whole new identity for me.  I am now counting the days until I get the opportunity to bed him.  I have recently discovered that it only takes one guy with an amazing personality to shift what I would normally consider my "type." Don't get me wrong.  This guy is hot on all levels, he's just a little shorter than the guys I am used to dating.  He's also about 8 years younger, but it's not like I am going to marry him.  I am just going to have sex with him.  Which brings me to my point ...

I don't have to like a guy to engage in sexual activities with him, like ... say ... get head from him.  I am generally a little more apprehensive when it comes to having sex with guys I don't like or respect, but head is head. If a guy is a jerk or says things that make me think he is less-than-intelligent, I don't want to be with him.  But a sub-par intellect will never disqualify a man from bringing me to orgasm with his mouth.  Honestly, it won't even stop me from having sex with him.  I will have sex with a man I don't respect.

I recently met up with a guy I used to work/sleep with.  I had been out with a friend and I was not feeling the idea of sleeping alone.  He texted and the opportunity presented itself.  I had never liked him.  He was 6'5" and worked out a lot and I was very turned on by him as long as he wasn't talking.  There was even an occasion where I had to ask him not to talk to me during sex.  I didn't want to be mean and say what I was thinking. Your personality ... The things you are saying are making me hate your beautiful dick. And that is tragic. So, instead, I just told him that I don't like talking during sex. That was a lie, but it was a lie for the sake of saving a good sexual experience. I think this should get a pass.  So, he texted and we met up.  He was more arrogant than I remembered.  He was actually a jerk.  So, I let him kiss me for a minute, then I gently guided his face to the place it belonged.  I know. I know.  That sounds mean.  But, the fact of the matter is, women have been getting the gentle nudge for a very long time.  Sometimes, it's not so gentle.  He was the one that was a jerk.  So, I got mine.

As he was doing his work, I tried not to think too much.  But, the thought kept popping up.  I really, really despise this guy.  He wasn't just dumb.  He was that awful combination of dumb and arrogant. And here I was further propelling his dumb arrogance.  I was giving him sex and validating his masculinity.  But the whole time, I disliked him.  I mean I didn't hate him. He had even been a shoulder for me to cry on in the past.  He and I shared the same political views.  He wasn't a racist or a misogynist.  He was just dumb and a bit full of himself.  But he felt really, really great, so who am I to say he can't pleasure me.  So, he was just going to go on thinking he was the shit, because he just made another woman come.  Yep. He sure was. Because, as much as I disliked dudes like him, it's not my job to socialize him.  So, I came.  Then, we had sex and I came again.

As I tried to fall asleep, he tried to start a conversation. He wants a girlfriend and wonders why he can't find one.  At first, I thought maybe I would just listen.  Then I thought, "no." I sat up and I told him ... "Maybe it's because you aren't really that nice to women." He was quite surprised. So I explained to him that he was kind of rude.  He seemed open to hearing about it.  Then he asked the golden question. "If you think I am rude to you, why do you have sex with me?" "Because I think you are gorgeous and you get me off."  He seemed to understand and so we laid back down and he rubbed my head until I fell asleep.

So, I had sex with a guy I didn't particularly like.  But, I will not have sex with a man I am not physically attracted to.  Sex is a very physical act and I like to feel warmth in my stomach and lower when a man is touching me. He can be the nicest guy in the world, but if we are not sexually compatible, or if I am not attracted to him, I will be as dry as the Sahara.  There is nothing doing.  Of course, sex is better with someone that I am attracted to in every way. It's best when it's with someone I love.  But, there are different levels of sex.  SOme sex is about making love and some sex is about getting off.  So, when push comes to shove, and I just want to have a quick roll in the hay, I'll take looks over a good personality any day.

1 comment:

  1. I really love how honest you are. Like that is a great thing.


About Me

My photo
I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.