Wednesday, October 20, 2010

Sexual Peak

There is much debate over whether or not a sexual prime exists in men and women.  I decided to google it, for obvious reasons.  I masturbate every day.  I have always loved sex, but I am currently at my most lustful.  I turned 30 a month ago, so naturally I have been writing this increased hunger off to a sexual prime.

I have always thought there was some hormonal increase that happens to women in her 30s.  You get an increase of hormones and an increase in libido.  Turns out, this isn't so.  I have no more hormones now than I did at 18.  I have always had a little additional testosterone floating around my system, but there isn't some burst of hormones that hits in ones 30s or 40s.  Women and men both get the biggest hormone burst around 18.

So, why am I regularly skipping dinner to stay in and have "me" time?  Something has happened.  I wasn't always like this.  As I've said, I have always loved sex.  I lost my virginity at 17 and had my first orgasm soon thereafter.  Barring times of debilitating illness or lack of privacy/opportunity, I have not gone more than a few days without cumming, since.

However, now I masturbate almost every day, sometimes, more than once a day.  If I had a steady partner, I would be requesting sex at least twice a day.  When I had a boyfriend, if we had sex 3 times a day, I was happy and satisfied.  It's unbelievable.  My urges are amazing even me.  I have even considered the fact that I might be addicted to sex.  I signed up for the Sex Addicts Anonymous cyber meetings.  Turns out, I don't really fit the bill.  Aside from skipping the occasional meal, I don't really let anything else go by the wayside.  I am still selective about with whom and where I have sex.  I do, however, consider a private or semi private restroom to be an appropriate place.  I don't think about sex all day, but I am easily turned on.  I have been talking to a new guy for a few days and the wit, banter and hints to sex have me shifting in my seat quite regularly.

If I'm not in a sexual prime, then I can only write this increase off to an increase in confidence.  I remember that when I was young, I was ashamed to masturbate.  I thought my sexual urges made me gross or strange.  After I got older and more open, I found out all of my female friends that were willing to talk about it were rubbin' one out, at least once a week.

In my mid twenties, a partner asked if he could watch me pleasure myself and I realized that masturbation was not only normal, but it was sexy.  I know it sounds strange.  Of course it's sexy.  But, when you are irrationally ashamed of something, it's hard to see it for what it is.  These new realizations made masturbation even more enjoyable.  The more I masturbated, the more I realized what I liked.  The more I realized what I liked, the easier it was to orgasm with a partner.   My acceptance of masturbation led to better sex with my partners.

So, higher confidence led to freedom in exploring myself, which led to better sex with my partners, which led to better fantasies for more masturbation and it just spiraled from there.  I think this is what a healthy attitude toward sex looks like.  Yet, I still find myself questioning how I could love sex so much. Deep in the back of mine, I am still fighting the idea that sex is something men love and something women are willing to do to satisfy a man.  A part of me thinks I am odd for loving sex so much.  But, I am starting to realize that I am just a normal woman with lust.  I might have a bigger appetite than some and my appetite might be smaller than that of other women, but it's not strange in any way.

It is what it is.  I love sex.  I don't do it looking for love or with any hidden motives.  I believe it is an act of love. Not just love shared with other people, but a love for me, as well.  I encourage women to safely explore their urges.  You don't have to wait for some fictional sexual peak when your lust becomes acceptable.  It's acceptable now.  Embrace it.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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