Sunday, October 10, 2010

An Update, A Collection, A Close

I have been neglecting my blog.  Everyone gets busy.  We all have those things that we let slip through the cracks a bit.  I thought I would do a not so quick summary for you guys to let you know where things stand with me.  It will be a series of posts, outlining where I stand.  Here goes.

Me
I have kind of been all over the place.  I got back to New England and got lonely.  I don't have nearly as many friends there.  It's cold and I got a bit confused.  I am not sure if it is the pressure of my work load, or if it is just a natural progression or phase that people/I will go through.  But, I started thinking a lot about a relationship.  Of course, being all over the place means that I think about a relationship and I actively do nothing to change my position.  I am still dating/sleeping with more than one guy.  The only difference is, I get my feelings hurt when they don't have feelings for me or if they don't take me seriously.  It was time to take a step back and evaluate what it is I want.  But, after doing that for about 5 minutes, I remembered the more important question.  What do I need?

I need a minute to breath.  I need to stop getting emotionally involved and look at me.  I realized that in being single and dating multiple men, I have just become wrapped up in multiple relationships instead of just one.  The beauty is the honesty and diversity.  I have been honest with these men and I get to sleep with/enjoy the company of more than one guy, but my head is starting to spin.  I have a select few men that I really do have feelings for, then I have this river of guys that I have trouble keeping names straight with.  There is this hierarchy that has naturally come about.  I am hoping after I write this series of posts and think for a bit, I will start to figure out what I want and what I need.

2 comments:

  1. Do that. I think every once in awhile everyone needs to reevaluate what it is that they want. It may be the winter blues when everybody wants to cuddle up with a mate or you might actually *gasp* want a more serious relationship or you may need time to yourself. Hope everything works out!!!

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  2. character development. love it. space is necessary. realization of the that, more necessary. growth and awareness from that, even better. go you. big hugs.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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