Tuesday, December 14, 2010

Seasons

So, Marlon is the guy I write about being smitten with.  Best sex ever and all that jazz.  But, he's also kind of a genius and pretty witty.   He and I are very like-minded and he frequently says things that take me to my note pad.  This is just one of the brilliant revelations to which Marlon has brought me.  I suppose I knew it all along, but I just hadn't thought to apply it to my life.  I guess I frequently do that.

I started this blog in the summer.  As I have said, I didn't date for two years.  My sexuality and I were calm and dormant in an attempt to heal and replenish.  Then, something happened.  Last spring, I became restless.  I felt like a bear coming out of hibernation.  Something in me awoke and I was ready to move forward.  It had been a long time and I needed to experience something new.

So, I immediately started planning for summer.  This would be the summer.  I was going to get back out there.  I had no idea what that meant, but I was going to date.  I was going to date and I was going to have sex.  So, I wrapped up the semester and I booked a train trip to see the country.  My sexuality wasn't the only thing waking up.  I felt alive and I wanted to travel and take pictures and write.  But, I wanted to do it alone.  Then, I wanted to descend upon Houston revived, eyes open and ready to get laid.  It didn't take quite that long.  I had sex on the train, somewhere between Chicago and Texas.

As the summer progressed, I found my sexuality growing and flourishing.  I was happy dating and meeting new people.  Nothing could contain me.  I was the life of the party and I wanted to spend every day with a new person.  I fell in love with everyone and I dated.  All things were beautiful and life was good.

Then, came the fall.  The leaves started to turn and I started to long for someone to talk to.  I thought it was just leaving Houston and missing Lewis.  But, I stayed in and started having thoughts of romance.  My party had turned into a quiet stroll.  I was still meeting people, but not as frequently.  I was quick to blame New England for the lull, but the truth was, I didn't have the motivation to try.  The green grass was turning brown and the leaves were falling.

As winter approaches, I feel myself wishing that I had someone to spend the long, cold nights with.  Going out and meeting people is far from my mind.  I want to bundle up in bed and watch a movie in someone's arms.  If I go into town to go to dinner, I want to stroll slowly with an arm around me to keep me warm.  At first, this scared the shit out of me.  I started worrying that I was going to start wanting a partner more and more and that before I knew it I would be desperately searching for a mate or changing my online dating profile to "Actively seeking a relationship."  How could this be?  How could Poly Amory so quickly go from fun time free spirit to actively seeking a relationship.  I took a deep breath and just held tight.  There had to be a good explanation.

Then, one day, Marlon and I were talking and he stumbled upon a topic that made my heart sing.  He said that he wished he could have a partner that he could settle in with in the winter and would be understanding enough to allow for a spreading of the wings when spring and summer came.  It made so much sense.  This is what I need!  I need to find someone that can hold my hand in the fall and watch movies with me in the winter.  They can stay around during spring and summer, but they can't try to hold me back.

We don't really have seasons in Houston, so I had never thought to compare my dating cycle to them.  But this analogy was brilliant and it was spot on.  This is what I have been going through.  I suppose my situation is more precarious than the normal situation, since I will be moving back to Houston in May.  But that might be perfect.  I just need a winter coat.  I need a temporary boyfriend.  He just needs to be devoid of attachment and jealousy, but full of warmth, compassion and understanding.  Does Okcupid have an "actively seeking a temporary boyfriend stand-in to offer warmth and emotional support for my winter hibernation period" option in their drop-down menu?

2 comments:

  1. haha I'm glad you have come to this conclusion. I think it's great that you know what you want.

    ReplyDelete
  2. those are pretty big shoes to fill! i think you just described the perfect man! ;)

    ReplyDelete

About Me

My photo
I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
There was an error in this gadget