Saturday, July 17, 2010

I Own This. It's My Story.

Originally titled: Body Image and The Change.

I am not talking about menopause. That's a different blog altogether. I am talking about the change I went through when I realized that my sexual appetite was healthy; When I realized that my sexuality was something to enjoy and that my body was not only a temple to be respected, but also a privilege to be cherished and a playground to be enjoyed.

I grew up in a society that frequently associates women's sexuality with revenge, jealousy, anger or submission. For a long time, I bought into the idea that being a sexually charged woman was somehow dirty; the idea that my sex life was to be hidden and my lust made me a slut. So, like many young women do, I tucked my sexuality away and only brought it out for special occasions. When I hid my sexuality and felt ashamed, I felt ugly. I am pretty sure no one likes feeling ugly. It's horrible. And it's not just about my outside appearance. When I cloaked my sexuality I felt sneaky and when sexual thoughts and impulses did sneak to the surface, I felt ashamed. I have always been flirtatious in nature. When I am ashamed, I feel unattractive and my happy, charming flirtation is stifled.

The closer I have gotten to 30, the better life has gotten. I have the confidence of a woman and the excitement of someone that has finally been freed of the confines of appearance and judgment. I can speak openly and eloquently (for the most part) about my sexuality. I never disrespect people's views and opinions, but I also never allow anyone's views or opinions to disrespect me. I can only imagine what life will be like as I mature and grow. Cliche in 5...4...3...2... I am comfortable in my own skin. I finally get what that means. I feel attractive and I feel sexy. I enjoy my body and my lust and I am happy to let other healthy, respectful individuals enjoy these things with me.

The best part of my transformation is - I can have sex and date without guilt. I am a good person and I am working on growing a thicker skin. Blogging is helping with that; The feedback has been mainly positive, but the negative has come fully equipped with below the belt swings. Luckily none of them have landed or hit home. So, I am going to keep telling my story and I am going to focus on the voices that have been raised to say they are happy I have found mine.

2 comments:

About Me

My photo
I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
There was an error in this gadget