Most of my friends are currently working on distinguishing between what is "right" and what is "wrong" for them in life. The two questions I see my peers tossing around most frequently are: (1) Choose a corporate/9 to 5 career path or follow your passion full time? ... and ... (2) Settle down with someone or continue/try being alone?
The first question is perfectly valid. It is time for us to either really sink our teeth into what we love, or agree to working full-time to pay the bills. Sometimes we have to do both in the beginning. Most of the time, actually. But, in this case, we have to grind; We can't put our passion on the back-burner. It's got to keep it's place in the center stage and we have to work just as hard at making something of it. I love the sayings my dad says and so ... it's time to "shit or get off the pot." We either dive in and become better at the thing we love, or we get a job and call that thing that we do what it is, a hobby.
The second question is not one I like to ask myself. I think we spend too much time and energy looking for the answer to that question. It's a distraction, because you can't control it. Love, sex and companionship are NOT things that should be constantly sought after or over analyzed. They can all be fun experiences and make really great stories, but not if they are forced. No TV personality or self proclaimed relationship guide can lead you to a healthy relationship. Happiness and relationships aren't like the chicken and the egg, the happiness comes first. For me, it was just about choosing happiness. I tried a few things and then I settled into the one that fit me best. It's my life and it's my responsibility to make it what I want it to be. No whining about how it should have been. If, in the end, my life is not what I thought it should have been, that's on me. Either I didn't makeit happen, or I wrapped my happiness up in lofty goals that I really had no control over.
Another thing I always have to keep in my mind, is that it's not always about what I want. Sometimes I have to take a day or two and figure out what I need. My needs list is constantly changing, so it's good for me to check in with myself and get frequent updates. I might have to make some changes. I believe happiness rests on the ability to be versatile and easy going. Sometimes things change. Sometimes the floor falls out and we have to climb out of a mess. You do what you have to.
I say do what makes you happy. If that involves spending a night, a few days, occasional quality time or the rest of your life with a partner, do it. Stop dating, practice celibacy, take a break, fall in love, move all of your sexual energy into a passion or skill, have a one night stand or get married.
See ...
I'm not a hater of monogamy. I don't think love is fake or that marriage is a lie. Okay, so I still kind of think marriage is a lie, but I'm a happy skeptic. I need things to be proven to me and never once have I seen all of those vows upheld simultaneously. Anyway, I don't think love is fake or marriage is a lie; I just don't think they inherently bring joy and I don't think one will be able to enter a healthy relationship until they are happy. So for now, this is how I'm living my life. Doing the things that keep me calm, happy and healthy. For me, that means dating and enjoying my sexuality without an end goal of finding a man to give me my happiness. I have my happiness. I give it to myself. (Nightly.)
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