Thursday, July 29, 2010

The Serial Dater's Definitions - A Good Man

My friend Locke hit me up earlier today and asked me to consider "Defining a 'Good Man.'" At first I thought this was totally out of my range. I have been following all these women's relationship, sex and love blogs. You have to know your options, so I like to keep an eye on the other side. Make sure my grass is still the greenest. So, this topic sounded like something I would see on one of those blogs. Top Ten Qualities You Want in a Husband, not my style. Categorizing men so arbitrarily seemed impossible, but as I thought more about it, I decided I can tackle this. Why not? So here it is ...

The Serial Dater's Definitions:

A Good Man [good] [man]

-noun, plural - men

1. funny, generous, self-reliant, not on the bus (one of us has to have a car), open-minded, not looking for a relationship, free of STDs, more than functionally-literate, creative, kind, well-endowed, available

So, these are the first qualities that come to mind, but even as I was typing I was thinking this is not me. I like the idea of these things, but there are good men for different things. So here's that breakdown. No crazies.

  1. A Good Text/Instant Message Man - He's witty. I don't really care how great he looks, if he lives with his folks or has a job or car. We will just exchange funny texts every once in a while anyway. *This can also be any of the following men gone wrong. You can be demoted.
  2. The Good One Night Stand Man - I have to be very physically attracted to him. If that's all he's there for, he has to be a 9, at least. He's good in bed, free of disease. Has his own place, so we have somewhere to go. He has change for a dollar so I can catch the bus in the morning.
  3. The Good Every Once in a While Man - Same requirements as above. In addition to being able to make change, he should occasionally be able to give me a ride home, like when it rains.
  4. The Good Repeat Man - All of the above and a job or passion that keeps him busy and paying his bills. My friends should like him. He's not my boyfriend, but he's bound to be around my friends occasionally. I have to have a crush on him. He's super smart and kinda nerdy. This is the one I like. The "bottom man," if you will. He will probably eventually be a friend, instead of falling by the wayside.
  5. The Good Marrying Man - He needs to have the sense to know I'm not that lady. He should just keep his distance, lest he be very disappointed.

That having been said, I never set out and look for these things in anyone. If a guy approaches me and is cute, clean, doesn't frequently hang on Washington and he has good breath, I will give him a chance. After talking for a bit, I can decide if I want to move forward. This is normally a very organic process. Whether in person or online, stuff just takes a flow of its own. It's different for every guy. Some guys won't get past the Text/Instant Message Stage. And a lucky few will have a dope friend for life.

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About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.
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