Wednesday, July 21, 2010

The Legend of Circle Cake

I used to have a corporate job. It was the first time I have ever worked in the sector and, hopefully, the last. It wasn't so bad. It gave me an opportunity to wear badass shoes and I got to work in a big fancy building downtown. I also got to meet Circle Cake. My dating life would not be complete without him. He was how I realized I love dumb men. Just to be fair, I love smart men too. Lewis and The Beautiful One are smart men. But, Circle Cake opened the door for good looking dumb-ass dudes. Train Guy, thank Circle Cake. He's the only reason you made it through the door. He was a pioneer for all of the dumb guys that would venture to explore these territories.

Dumb men are great. Again, I want to be fair. Dumb IS a harsh word. Everyone is smart in some area and everyone is good at something. While other guys are out reading and writing and bettering themselves through the arts, guys like Train Guy and Circle Cake are at the gym or watching porn to better their form. Like Train Guy, Circle Cake was great in bed. But, he earned the title of dumb, just as he earned the name "Circle Cake." He was the king of thoughtless statements and questions.

One day, while sitting at my desk, he approached holding a round birthday cake. He was concerned that there would not be enough cake for everyone in his department. With concern in his eyes, he asked me, "Do you think if I cut the pieces of cake into little circles, there will be more cake?" I had no idea how to answer that question. Changing the shape of the slices can't affect volume or mass, but that statement would have hurt his head. So, I just said "I don't think that will work." He walked away both sad and still a little determined.

Back Story:

Circle Cake came on with the company after I had been there for about a year. He was a legacy employee. I got my job by busting my ass and he got his because Circle Cake, Sr. knew people. But, I wasn't mad at him. He took the office by storm. He was 6'5", dark-skinned and had the wingspan of some prehistoric bird. He spent every evening after work in the gym. The older ladies in the office would watch him as he walked down the hall, then dust the lust out of their eyes and warn all us youngins against him. "He dated my friend, Lydia's daughter. He's a bit of a player." This was the wrong thing to tell me. Game recognize game. The challenge was on.

One night I was out for a friend's birthday dinner and the coworker I was currently sleeping with showed up with another woman. This was not really a big deal, just a little awkward. Then, in walked Circle Cake. He came straight to the seat next to me and asked if he could sit. Of course he could. I'm going to make a long story really short. There was an after party and dancing at a nearby club. After much flirting, Circle Cake's hand made its way up the back of my skirt and to my ass in mid-dance. I immediately thought, this isn't going to happen tonight, but it's going to happen. I am not big on drunk sex, so we exchanged numbers.

The next months were great. Circle Cake and I would meet after work. We would meet some late nights after dinners or long evening meetings. And on many occasions, we would meet in the stairwell of our building. He loved to go down on me in public and semi-public places. I had no objections. Only one person at work knew what was going on, and occasionally I had to deal with the embarrassment of him making a circular-cake-slice-statement in front of her. She would judge me for a moment, then he would smile and walk away and I would remind her that I came twice during lunch. Forget embarrassment, lunch orgasms make corporate life worth living.

On occasion, I get a text from Circle Cake and we relive old times. I no longer work with him and he has moved up in the company and has a fancy new office in a different fancy building downtown. The new office has a couch and a locking door. Semi-public, indeed...

Circle Cake, if I didn't think I would hate spending the rest of my life wrangling your big dumb kids, I would marry you and make your babies. That will never happen, but fate is funny that way.

So remember people, a (not-so) wise man once said, "if life doesn't give you enough cake ... cut it into circles?"

1 comment:

  1. Something about public semi public is sooo... Yummmm


About Me

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I am the product-child of the Women's Lib movement. I have a grade A education, a promising career and no immediate goal for children or a spouse. I will be 30 this year and I have spent many years in monogamous relationships. In and out of 1 to 2 year relationships, I always dated with the goal of meeting someone special. Most of the time I didn't date. Most of the time I found myself falling into relationship after relationship. These relationships were doomed to fail. They were all built on expectations that were, for me, unattainable. I love meeting new people. I find sex enjoyable and empowering and I am not happy when I am monogamous. So, after my last break-up, after taking some time to grieve, I decided to cut my societal puppet strings and get back in the game. I set out on a mission to spend the Summer of 2010 dating as many men as possible. My only initial criteria was attraction. My only limitation was - no love and no structured relationships. This is my date by date tale of what life can be like outside of the goals of relationships and love.